So, I was going through my advanced fiction notebook from last year and found some gems, I thought.
Here's my favorite. We were supposed to come up with some odd physical description of someone to pass out and write a story about. My friend, Keely, meant to write "inverted penis" but wrote "introverted penis" and I happened to get that card.
I chose to write about a man with an introverted penis.
I call him Jack. I don't usually talk about him much. He's--it's a he, naturally--he's about average in most ways, I guess. But when he decides he likes someone, he's all in, you know? I think some women can appreciate that, it kind of encompasses ultimate fidelity, right? Yeah, we've been over this.
Of course it gets hard sometimes--difficult, I mean--because Jack doesn't really take to strangers. So, like this girl, Stacy, I met last Saturday, he didn't really want anything to do with her. Of course I did. She was hot. But Jack gets shy and uncomfortable. We were pretty hot and heavy, but when she wanted to see Jack, I had to take a breather. Went into the bathroom for a little pep talk, just me and Jack, tried to make him comfortable.
"Jack, buddy," I said. "This'll only last like five minutes, tops." I made sure Stacy didn't hear that part. But he wouldn't budge. Sometimes it works, sometimes not.
Some women totally don't get it. They fly off the handle, call me gay. I think they think it's their fault, like they're not hot enough. Like Cindy, she didn't get it. With Cindy, we were together for six months, but Jack just couldn't get comfortable around her. I don't know why. She finally gave up and left me. I was upset with Jack for a while, but I can't really stay mad at him, you know? I see him like five times a day. You know, at least.
So, sometimes I just stay home. I can tell now when Jack feels like going out and when he doesn't. We watch old movies, order in. We like that AMC channel. good stuff. Last night we stayed in watching a Bogart flick. It was classy, It's always relaxed, you know? Jack and me having a beer.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
With an hour left, I'm feeling pretty good.
And if you post TLDR, you will meet my fists of fury.
Nutritionomics: Balancing Budget and Health as a College Senior
By Marni Newell
06/10/09
They’re relatively inconspicuous: the two hexagons connected in a diagonal on the shelf sticker labels. NuVal is written in the bottom hexagon and a number, 1-100, is in the top. It wouldn’t be noticeable to someone running in to Meijer just to buy bread or milk every week or so, nor would the pamphlet perched on a clear plastic holder on the shelves be a source of light reading for a college senior cramming for exams.
NuVal is short for Nutritional Value, the nutritional scoring system developed by Dr. David Katz of Yale University/Griffin Hospital. The system gives a score from 1-100 based on the overall nutrition of the food. “Included there,” the loop video of Dr. Katz on the NuVal website assures, “are all the things you would expect. Vitamins, of course, minerals and...macronutrients: the quality of the protein, the quality of the fat.”
The team creating the system was “independent of funding or influence by food or beverage retailers or manufacturers,” which explains why a box of Cap’n Crunch with Berries cereal has a rating of only eight, regardless of the green “Smart Choices Made Easy” label on the bottom corner of the box.
“There are so many different guidelines, people get confused,” said fitness trainer Carrie Brankiewicz while flipping through the NuVal pamphlet. “The buzz is nutrition and eating healthy.”
Eating healthy on a budget can be difficult, especially for a busy college lifestyle. “I know the struggle college students have—they want ready-made macaroni and cheeses where you put it in the microwave and it’s done,” said Megan Hass, nutrition instructor at Kalamazoo College. Hass stresses making small changes in diet toward a healthier lifestyle. “Maybe substitute water for pop for two times a day,” she said.
Kalamazoo College senior Jillian Regal was open to taking the NuVal or other healthy food systems into consideration. “I feel like I need my hand held with stuff like this,” she said. Normally eating mainly breads and pasta, Regal admits she’s “way too lazy to cook—even pasta.” This results in eating out a lot which makes her feel she’s wasting her money and disregarding her health.
Regal regularly shops at Meijer, but sometimes goes to the People’s Food Co-Op, a local grocery store containing mainly organic and local merchandise, but ultimately thinks it’s too expensive.
Hass echoes this sentiment as a Meijer regular, but tries to incorporate local and health foods just as she asks students to incorporate healthier eating habits—just small bits at a time.
Senior Vinny Ricciardi came up with a system of shopping at the People’s Food Co-Op, which costs him about $3-$4 per meal. His diet is “almost all local and almost all sustainably farmed.” Although he sometimes shops at Hardings for cheeses, Ricciardi likes to support local foods by shopping at the Co-Op or farmer’s markets. Ricciardi, who eats “tons of fruits, veggies, and nuts” in stir fries and vegetable dishes seems to be on his own nutritional system. “I try to stay away from processed food and refined sugar,” he said
These processed foods are what annoy Brankiewicz about diet systems. “The biggest problem I have with systems like Weight Watchers and Healthy Choice is it gets people to eat processed foods. It’s way better to teach people to eat whole foods rather than processed crap.”
Processed items sometimes score higher on the NuVal system than fresh foods, as seen in the canned chicken noodle soup shown on the back of the pamphlet with a score of 95 while boneless skinless chicken breast scores only 25. The system tips the scale of nutrients in the soup versus the chicken that packs only protein.
Pointing at the score of 95 on the soup, Hass wondered if it was a typo. “Those soups have a ton of sodium,” she said.
Senior Kendra Garchow agrees with this mentality, only buying processed foods like canned mushroom soup as bases for her meals. “I try to make everything from scratch,” Garchow, the self proclaimed “foodie” said. Primarily shopping at farmer’s markets and Hardings, Garchow admitted, “I shop sales, definitely.” Shopping once a week, Garchow tries to only spend around $20 per trip and because she tends to make her own pasta sauces and curries from scratch, she finds little need for the NuVal system. “Most times I try to cook healthy to begin with and it’s not as much as a problem because I buy whole foods.”
Brankiewicz commends healthy eating, but believes in a balance of nutrition and exercise. “People think it’s all food or all exercise, but it’s definitely a combination of both,” she said.
Senior Keely Houghton takes nutrition and exercise seriously, eating carbohydrates before a workout of “max out” weightlifting, and proteins afterward, which she does three-to-five times a week. Houghton, who shops mostly at Meijer, would take the NuVal system into consideration, but quickly added, “I look at nutrition already.” Spending around $50 per trip to Meijer, Houghton buys bread, eggs, vegetables, and frozen veggie burgers and burritoes as staples.
Senior Amel Omari eats a vegetarian diet of eggs, breads, vegetables, and veggie burgers. “I prefer to buy organic milk and eggs, but if I’m hard up on cash, I won’t get it,” Omari said. She tries to spend under $50 each trip to Meijer, which happens about every two weeks. Omari admits to buying processed bread, in contrast to Ricciardi who bakes his own, but said she needs the food to last. Omari said she would not take the NuVal system into much consideration since she buys what healthy food she can afford. Instead, her nutritional system is “based on what my mom fed me and what I learned in school,” she said.
To Hass, a healthy lifestyle isn’t about strictly following food guidelines. “I don’t want students to go from eating a 3,000 calorie diet to 1,200 calories a day because that’s what they read in a magazine,” she said. Small changes, Hass stressed. “You don’t have to eat perfectly, but you can still benefit from good food.”
Although diet systems and guidelines aren’t her preference for healthy eating, Brankiewicz doesn’t see much harm in the NuVal system. “If it makes people aware, it will never hurt.”
Nutritionomics: Balancing Budget and Health as a College Senior
By Marni Newell
06/10/09
They’re relatively inconspicuous: the two hexagons connected in a diagonal on the shelf sticker labels. NuVal is written in the bottom hexagon and a number, 1-100, is in the top. It wouldn’t be noticeable to someone running in to Meijer just to buy bread or milk every week or so, nor would the pamphlet perched on a clear plastic holder on the shelves be a source of light reading for a college senior cramming for exams.
NuVal is short for Nutritional Value, the nutritional scoring system developed by Dr. David Katz of Yale University/Griffin Hospital. The system gives a score from 1-100 based on the overall nutrition of the food. “Included there,” the loop video of Dr. Katz on the NuVal website assures, “are all the things you would expect. Vitamins, of course, minerals and...macronutrients: the quality of the protein, the quality of the fat.”
The team creating the system was “independent of funding or influence by food or beverage retailers or manufacturers,” which explains why a box of Cap’n Crunch with Berries cereal has a rating of only eight, regardless of the green “Smart Choices Made Easy” label on the bottom corner of the box.
“There are so many different guidelines, people get confused,” said fitness trainer Carrie Brankiewicz while flipping through the NuVal pamphlet. “The buzz is nutrition and eating healthy.”
Eating healthy on a budget can be difficult, especially for a busy college lifestyle. “I know the struggle college students have—they want ready-made macaroni and cheeses where you put it in the microwave and it’s done,” said Megan Hass, nutrition instructor at Kalamazoo College. Hass stresses making small changes in diet toward a healthier lifestyle. “Maybe substitute water for pop for two times a day,” she said.
Kalamazoo College senior Jillian Regal was open to taking the NuVal or other healthy food systems into consideration. “I feel like I need my hand held with stuff like this,” she said. Normally eating mainly breads and pasta, Regal admits she’s “way too lazy to cook—even pasta.” This results in eating out a lot which makes her feel she’s wasting her money and disregarding her health.
Regal regularly shops at Meijer, but sometimes goes to the People’s Food Co-Op, a local grocery store containing mainly organic and local merchandise, but ultimately thinks it’s too expensive.
Hass echoes this sentiment as a Meijer regular, but tries to incorporate local and health foods just as she asks students to incorporate healthier eating habits—just small bits at a time.
Senior Vinny Ricciardi came up with a system of shopping at the People’s Food Co-Op, which costs him about $3-$4 per meal. His diet is “almost all local and almost all sustainably farmed.” Although he sometimes shops at Hardings for cheeses, Ricciardi likes to support local foods by shopping at the Co-Op or farmer’s markets. Ricciardi, who eats “tons of fruits, veggies, and nuts” in stir fries and vegetable dishes seems to be on his own nutritional system. “I try to stay away from processed food and refined sugar,” he said
These processed foods are what annoy Brankiewicz about diet systems. “The biggest problem I have with systems like Weight Watchers and Healthy Choice is it gets people to eat processed foods. It’s way better to teach people to eat whole foods rather than processed crap.”
Processed items sometimes score higher on the NuVal system than fresh foods, as seen in the canned chicken noodle soup shown on the back of the pamphlet with a score of 95 while boneless skinless chicken breast scores only 25. The system tips the scale of nutrients in the soup versus the chicken that packs only protein.
Pointing at the score of 95 on the soup, Hass wondered if it was a typo. “Those soups have a ton of sodium,” she said.
Senior Kendra Garchow agrees with this mentality, only buying processed foods like canned mushroom soup as bases for her meals. “I try to make everything from scratch,” Garchow, the self proclaimed “foodie” said. Primarily shopping at farmer’s markets and Hardings, Garchow admitted, “I shop sales, definitely.” Shopping once a week, Garchow tries to only spend around $20 per trip and because she tends to make her own pasta sauces and curries from scratch, she finds little need for the NuVal system. “Most times I try to cook healthy to begin with and it’s not as much as a problem because I buy whole foods.”
Brankiewicz commends healthy eating, but believes in a balance of nutrition and exercise. “People think it’s all food or all exercise, but it’s definitely a combination of both,” she said.
Senior Keely Houghton takes nutrition and exercise seriously, eating carbohydrates before a workout of “max out” weightlifting, and proteins afterward, which she does three-to-five times a week. Houghton, who shops mostly at Meijer, would take the NuVal system into consideration, but quickly added, “I look at nutrition already.” Spending around $50 per trip to Meijer, Houghton buys bread, eggs, vegetables, and frozen veggie burgers and burritoes as staples.
Senior Amel Omari eats a vegetarian diet of eggs, breads, vegetables, and veggie burgers. “I prefer to buy organic milk and eggs, but if I’m hard up on cash, I won’t get it,” Omari said. She tries to spend under $50 each trip to Meijer, which happens about every two weeks. Omari admits to buying processed bread, in contrast to Ricciardi who bakes his own, but said she needs the food to last. Omari said she would not take the NuVal system into much consideration since she buys what healthy food she can afford. Instead, her nutritional system is “based on what my mom fed me and what I learned in school,” she said.
To Hass, a healthy lifestyle isn’t about strictly following food guidelines. “I don’t want students to go from eating a 3,000 calorie diet to 1,200 calories a day because that’s what they read in a magazine,” she said. Small changes, Hass stressed. “You don’t have to eat perfectly, but you can still benefit from good food.”
Although diet systems and guidelines aren’t her preference for healthy eating, Brankiewicz doesn’t see much harm in the NuVal system. “If it makes people aware, it will never hurt.”
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Responses the third
Joseph,
I think the lede with Bardeen is really amusing and it keeps me interested. There are some good details with the scenery. I think I was thrown off when I got to the part about smoking pot so late in the story because I thought that’s what the focus was going to be, but it seems like you had to expand it to a profile of the cemetery altogether. Some parts are a bit repetitive like the first sentence of the fifth paragraph. And there’s one sentence that I read over a few times: the first sentence of the third from last paragraph, you say students from Western and K recite Lil Wayne lyrics and discuss philosophy, but I guess I needed you to give a location. You don’t even have to make it boring like “in the cemetery” you could say something like “among the phallic cement structures” or something. I mean, you probably don’t want to say the tombstones are phallic, but you get the idea. The last paragraph seemed out of place. Maybe introduce the fallen tombstones earlier so you can get back to it by the end?
Emily,
I love where you’re going in your lede, but I want you to show me instead. Consider giving a description of one of the houses at the top of the Fair Arcadian and then transition to the intersection and description of her house overlooking a mini strip mall. Also the second and third paragraph are fantastic, you showed us the gun and then shot it like a pro. Fantastic repetition in the fourth paragraph, I’m a sucker for those kinds of phrases. What happened to the woman she was dating when she married Matthew? I’d also like to hear more about the aggression toward Matthew in Tanzania. I know this draft is temporary, but—though I think the ending is well written—I’m not sold on it, it was mostly about Natalie and you mentioned your admiration a bit in the beginning and then at the end. If you end up making this the complication, I’d like to see it woven throughout the entire story more.
Maureen,
I don’t know if I’m taking it the right way, but I love this section: “Javin stares out his single window. The blinds are closed. ‘There are a lot of weirdos out there.’” It’s an amazing juxtaposition and I think really captures Javin since it seems like he has no specific complaint. He’s upset that he has no friends, but doesn’t seem to look into any reasons why that could be except that everyone else is crazy. In this way, this is a bit unflattering for him, because I see at least one solid reason: he lives in a single dorm room where “his neighbors are the parking lot and the lounge” it sounds like his location requires him to be exceptionally outgoing, which he’s refusing to do. In this way, the addition of Zaide Pixley and Pat Ponto’s comments on loneliness at K make me wonder how I should digest that information. Here, how you’ve put it, I see someone who wants people to come to him to be friends, and then the administration grappling with causes why people are lonely and depressed which definitely includes him but also a group of people who probably aren’t so much in control of the situation. You have some great movement and images in this, but I wonder about the overall theme and whether it all works together.
Mary,
After reading this piece, I want alcohol to be given more time in it. Have you asked the pro-streakers something like “If it’s about liberation, why are many people drunk before they attempt it?” You have LandSea as an interesting contrast, since that’s an alcohol-free zone. I see you’ve put yourself in this piece, and I want to see more of that threaded through it. If you’re so against nudity and you have someone saying to you “nudity is a non-sexual form of expression” I want your reaction, your come-backs to that, or, at least, your bewildered nod. I wonder why you chose not to talk about the Frelon attacking incident, I feel that’s a voice you’re not representing in this piece. You have the nudists (if I may call them that) the faculty who seem to be taking no definite stance, and you who are uncomfortable with nudity. There are people out there who want to watch just for the sake of watching, but never want to streak. That’s a weird thing, what about naked people running around gets that population interested? And what about streaking makes people feel like throwing things and attacking them? I guess I really don’t buy this whole idea that streaking is a form of expression and liberation, because stripping naked in a public place while sober is one thing, but getting drunk and running through a crowd is something completely different. I think it’s more of a dare, a challenge, equivalent to keg stands and beer bongs...and even the gallon challenge. At least, that’s the drunken population’s perspective. They don’t streak at nudist colonies, they just accept nudity as natural.
Camilo,
Rufus sounds amazing. I love the ending scene with the trash can and the president line, that’s pure gold. You did a fantastic job of recreating the plane ride with the woman next to Rufus telling him to relax. I love the line about showing up in Nairobi wearing a safari suit. I think you need to take the word “some” out of the line “The truth is everyone in some of his family wears clothes.” Unless parts of his family don’t wear clothes, in which case you need to explain that more. I’m not sure what you mean “During the opening act on the first day.” Great transition from the laid back Kenyan culture to how diligent Rufus is about working. Does Rufus take classes here? You have some great images: Rufus shopping at Wal Mart and not buying beer, the trash bag scene, the plane scene. I don’t know, I want more and right now I can’t even put my finger on what it is.
I think the lede with Bardeen is really amusing and it keeps me interested. There are some good details with the scenery. I think I was thrown off when I got to the part about smoking pot so late in the story because I thought that’s what the focus was going to be, but it seems like you had to expand it to a profile of the cemetery altogether. Some parts are a bit repetitive like the first sentence of the fifth paragraph. And there’s one sentence that I read over a few times: the first sentence of the third from last paragraph, you say students from Western and K recite Lil Wayne lyrics and discuss philosophy, but I guess I needed you to give a location. You don’t even have to make it boring like “in the cemetery” you could say something like “among the phallic cement structures” or something. I mean, you probably don’t want to say the tombstones are phallic, but you get the idea. The last paragraph seemed out of place. Maybe introduce the fallen tombstones earlier so you can get back to it by the end?
Emily,
I love where you’re going in your lede, but I want you to show me instead. Consider giving a description of one of the houses at the top of the Fair Arcadian and then transition to the intersection and description of her house overlooking a mini strip mall. Also the second and third paragraph are fantastic, you showed us the gun and then shot it like a pro. Fantastic repetition in the fourth paragraph, I’m a sucker for those kinds of phrases. What happened to the woman she was dating when she married Matthew? I’d also like to hear more about the aggression toward Matthew in Tanzania. I know this draft is temporary, but—though I think the ending is well written—I’m not sold on it, it was mostly about Natalie and you mentioned your admiration a bit in the beginning and then at the end. If you end up making this the complication, I’d like to see it woven throughout the entire story more.
Maureen,
I don’t know if I’m taking it the right way, but I love this section: “Javin stares out his single window. The blinds are closed. ‘There are a lot of weirdos out there.’” It’s an amazing juxtaposition and I think really captures Javin since it seems like he has no specific complaint. He’s upset that he has no friends, but doesn’t seem to look into any reasons why that could be except that everyone else is crazy. In this way, this is a bit unflattering for him, because I see at least one solid reason: he lives in a single dorm room where “his neighbors are the parking lot and the lounge” it sounds like his location requires him to be exceptionally outgoing, which he’s refusing to do. In this way, the addition of Zaide Pixley and Pat Ponto’s comments on loneliness at K make me wonder how I should digest that information. Here, how you’ve put it, I see someone who wants people to come to him to be friends, and then the administration grappling with causes why people are lonely and depressed which definitely includes him but also a group of people who probably aren’t so much in control of the situation. You have some great movement and images in this, but I wonder about the overall theme and whether it all works together.
Mary,
After reading this piece, I want alcohol to be given more time in it. Have you asked the pro-streakers something like “If it’s about liberation, why are many people drunk before they attempt it?” You have LandSea as an interesting contrast, since that’s an alcohol-free zone. I see you’ve put yourself in this piece, and I want to see more of that threaded through it. If you’re so against nudity and you have someone saying to you “nudity is a non-sexual form of expression” I want your reaction, your come-backs to that, or, at least, your bewildered nod. I wonder why you chose not to talk about the Frelon attacking incident, I feel that’s a voice you’re not representing in this piece. You have the nudists (if I may call them that) the faculty who seem to be taking no definite stance, and you who are uncomfortable with nudity. There are people out there who want to watch just for the sake of watching, but never want to streak. That’s a weird thing, what about naked people running around gets that population interested? And what about streaking makes people feel like throwing things and attacking them? I guess I really don’t buy this whole idea that streaking is a form of expression and liberation, because stripping naked in a public place while sober is one thing, but getting drunk and running through a crowd is something completely different. I think it’s more of a dare, a challenge, equivalent to keg stands and beer bongs...and even the gallon challenge. At least, that’s the drunken population’s perspective. They don’t streak at nudist colonies, they just accept nudity as natural.
Camilo,
Rufus sounds amazing. I love the ending scene with the trash can and the president line, that’s pure gold. You did a fantastic job of recreating the plane ride with the woman next to Rufus telling him to relax. I love the line about showing up in Nairobi wearing a safari suit. I think you need to take the word “some” out of the line “The truth is everyone in some of his family wears clothes.” Unless parts of his family don’t wear clothes, in which case you need to explain that more. I’m not sure what you mean “During the opening act on the first day.” Great transition from the laid back Kenyan culture to how diligent Rufus is about working. Does Rufus take classes here? You have some great images: Rufus shopping at Wal Mart and not buying beer, the trash bag scene, the plane scene. I don’t know, I want more and right now I can’t even put my finger on what it is.
Monday, June 1, 2009
Nutritionomics: College seniors sum up their grocery buying habits
By Marni Newell
They’re relatively inconspicuous: the two hexagons connected in a diagonal on the shelf sticker labels. NuVal is written in the bottom hexagon and a number, 1-100 is in the top. It wouldn’t be noticeable to someone running in to Meijer just to buy bread or milk every week or so, nor would the pamphlet perched on a clear plastic holder on the shelves, apparently, because no one so far seems to have heard of it.
NuVal is short for Nutritional Value, the nutritional scoring system developed by the tan Dr. David Katz of Yale University/Griffin Hospital. The system gives a score from 1-100 based on the overall nutrition of the food “Included there,” the loop video of Dr. Katz on the NuVal website assures, “are all the things you would expect. Vitamins, of course, minerals and...macronutrients: the quality of the protein, the quality of the fat.”
The team creating the system was “independent of funding or influence by food or beverage retailers or manufacturers,” which explains why a box of Cap’n Crunch with Berries has a rating of only eight, regardless of the green “Smart Choices Made Easy” label on the bottom corner.
“There are so many different guidelines, people get confused,” says fitness trainer Carrie Brankiewicz as she flips through the NuVal pamphlet. “The buzz is nutrition and eating healthy.” But, she’s afraid “companies are trying to prey on people trying to lose weight.”
Not only people trying to lose weight, but since the system is supported at Meijer, it seems the system is targeting price-conscious food shoppers.
Kalamazoo College senior Jillian Regal was open to taking the NuVal system into consideration. “I feel like I need my hand held with stuff like this,” she says. Normally eating mainly carbohydrates like breads and pasta, Regal admits she’s “Way too lazy to cook—even pasta.” This results in eating out a lot which makes her feel she’s wasting her money and disregarding her health.
Regal shops at Meijer, mostly, but sometimes goes to the People’s Food Co-Op, a local grocery store containing mainly organic or local merchandise, but ultimately thinks it’s too expensive.
Senior Vinny Ricciardi came up with a system of shopping at the People’s Food Co-Op, but only spending about $3-$4 per meal. His diet is “almost all local and almost all sustainably farmed.” Although he sometimes shops at Hardings for cheeses, Ricciardi likes to support local foods by shopping at the Co-Op or farmer’s markets. Ricciardi, who eats “tons of fruits, veggies, and nuts” in stir fries and vegetable dishes seems to be on his own nutritional system, “I try to stay away from processed food and refined sugar,” he says.
These processed foods are what annoy Brankiewicz about diet systems. “The biggest problem I have with systems like Weight Watchers and Healthy Choice is it gets people to eat processed foods. It’s way better to teach people to eat whole foods rather than processed crap.”
These processed items tend to score higher on the NuVal system than fresh foods, as seen in the canned chicken noodle soup score of 95 while boneless skinless chicken breast scores only 25. The system tips the scale of nutrients in the soup versus the chicken that only packs protein and nothing else.
Senior Kendra Garchow agrees with this mentality, only buying processed foods like canned mushroom soup as bases for her meals. “I try to make everything from scratch,” Garchow, the self proclaimed “foodie” says. Primarily shopping at farmer’s markets and Hardings, Garchow admits, “I shop sales, definitely.” Shopping once a week, Garchow tries to only spend around $20 per trip and because she tends to make her own pasta sauces and curries from scratch, she finds little need for the NuVal system. “Most times I try to cook healthy to begin with and it’s not as much as a problem because I buy whole foods.”
Garchow and Ricciardi’s whole food decisions fit into Brankiewizc’s guidelines of eating healthy, but she adds exercise in the mix for overall health. “People think it’s all food or all exercise, but it’s definitely a combination of both,” she says.
Senior Keely Houghton takes nutrition and exercise seriously, eating carbohydrates before a workout of “max out” weightlifting, and proteins afterward, which she does three-to-five times a week. Houghton, who shops mostly at Meijer, would take the NuVal system into consideration, but quickly adds, “I look at nutrition already.” Spending around $50 per trip to Meijer, Houghton buys bread, eggs, vegetables, and frozen veggie burgers and burritoes as staples.
Senior Amel Omari eats a vegetarian diet of eggs, breads, vegetables, and veggie burgers. “I prefer to buy organic milk and eggs, but if I’m hard up on cash, I won’t get it,” Omari says. She tries to spend under $50 each trip to Meijer, which happens about every two weeks. Omari admits to buying processed bread, in contrast to Ricciardi who bakes his own, but claims she needs the food to last. Saying she would not take the NuVal system into much consideration since she buys simply the healthy food she can afford, Omari says her nutritional system is “based on what my mom fed me and what I learned in school.”
Although Brankiewicz is cautious the NuVal system favors some foods and labels, she ultimately doesn’t see it doing much harm. “This is an economy” she says holding up the pamphlet. “It’s trying to make money.” Brankiewicz closes the pamphlet decidedly and sums up her feelings, “If it makes people aware, it will never hurt.”
They’re relatively inconspicuous: the two hexagons connected in a diagonal on the shelf sticker labels. NuVal is written in the bottom hexagon and a number, 1-100 is in the top. It wouldn’t be noticeable to someone running in to Meijer just to buy bread or milk every week or so, nor would the pamphlet perched on a clear plastic holder on the shelves, apparently, because no one so far seems to have heard of it.
NuVal is short for Nutritional Value, the nutritional scoring system developed by the tan Dr. David Katz of Yale University/Griffin Hospital. The system gives a score from 1-100 based on the overall nutrition of the food “Included there,” the loop video of Dr. Katz on the NuVal website assures, “are all the things you would expect. Vitamins, of course, minerals and...macronutrients: the quality of the protein, the quality of the fat.”
The team creating the system was “independent of funding or influence by food or beverage retailers or manufacturers,” which explains why a box of Cap’n Crunch with Berries has a rating of only eight, regardless of the green “Smart Choices Made Easy” label on the bottom corner.
“There are so many different guidelines, people get confused,” says fitness trainer Carrie Brankiewicz as she flips through the NuVal pamphlet. “The buzz is nutrition and eating healthy.” But, she’s afraid “companies are trying to prey on people trying to lose weight.”
Not only people trying to lose weight, but since the system is supported at Meijer, it seems the system is targeting price-conscious food shoppers.
Kalamazoo College senior Jillian Regal was open to taking the NuVal system into consideration. “I feel like I need my hand held with stuff like this,” she says. Normally eating mainly carbohydrates like breads and pasta, Regal admits she’s “Way too lazy to cook—even pasta.” This results in eating out a lot which makes her feel she’s wasting her money and disregarding her health.
Regal shops at Meijer, mostly, but sometimes goes to the People’s Food Co-Op, a local grocery store containing mainly organic or local merchandise, but ultimately thinks it’s too expensive.
Senior Vinny Ricciardi came up with a system of shopping at the People’s Food Co-Op, but only spending about $3-$4 per meal. His diet is “almost all local and almost all sustainably farmed.” Although he sometimes shops at Hardings for cheeses, Ricciardi likes to support local foods by shopping at the Co-Op or farmer’s markets. Ricciardi, who eats “tons of fruits, veggies, and nuts” in stir fries and vegetable dishes seems to be on his own nutritional system, “I try to stay away from processed food and refined sugar,” he says.
These processed foods are what annoy Brankiewicz about diet systems. “The biggest problem I have with systems like Weight Watchers and Healthy Choice is it gets people to eat processed foods. It’s way better to teach people to eat whole foods rather than processed crap.”
These processed items tend to score higher on the NuVal system than fresh foods, as seen in the canned chicken noodle soup score of 95 while boneless skinless chicken breast scores only 25. The system tips the scale of nutrients in the soup versus the chicken that only packs protein and nothing else.
Senior Kendra Garchow agrees with this mentality, only buying processed foods like canned mushroom soup as bases for her meals. “I try to make everything from scratch,” Garchow, the self proclaimed “foodie” says. Primarily shopping at farmer’s markets and Hardings, Garchow admits, “I shop sales, definitely.” Shopping once a week, Garchow tries to only spend around $20 per trip and because she tends to make her own pasta sauces and curries from scratch, she finds little need for the NuVal system. “Most times I try to cook healthy to begin with and it’s not as much as a problem because I buy whole foods.”
Garchow and Ricciardi’s whole food decisions fit into Brankiewizc’s guidelines of eating healthy, but she adds exercise in the mix for overall health. “People think it’s all food or all exercise, but it’s definitely a combination of both,” she says.
Senior Keely Houghton takes nutrition and exercise seriously, eating carbohydrates before a workout of “max out” weightlifting, and proteins afterward, which she does three-to-five times a week. Houghton, who shops mostly at Meijer, would take the NuVal system into consideration, but quickly adds, “I look at nutrition already.” Spending around $50 per trip to Meijer, Houghton buys bread, eggs, vegetables, and frozen veggie burgers and burritoes as staples.
Senior Amel Omari eats a vegetarian diet of eggs, breads, vegetables, and veggie burgers. “I prefer to buy organic milk and eggs, but if I’m hard up on cash, I won’t get it,” Omari says. She tries to spend under $50 each trip to Meijer, which happens about every two weeks. Omari admits to buying processed bread, in contrast to Ricciardi who bakes his own, but claims she needs the food to last. Saying she would not take the NuVal system into much consideration since she buys simply the healthy food she can afford, Omari says her nutritional system is “based on what my mom fed me and what I learned in school.”
Although Brankiewicz is cautious the NuVal system favors some foods and labels, she ultimately doesn’t see it doing much harm. “This is an economy” she says holding up the pamphlet. “It’s trying to make money.” Brankiewicz closes the pamphlet decidedly and sums up her feelings, “If it makes people aware, it will never hurt.”
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Here's my favorite Peace tip to be a good woman
"Beauty is one of the ways the adulteress draws her prey...[but] it is all right to have some external adornment, because stripping oneself of all makeup and wearing only plain, drab clothing does not make a woman more pleasing to God."
Friday, May 22, 2009
Profile: Revisited
Well, here it is. I attempted to have a theme and I think it's apparent throughout but not totally punch-you-in-the-face obvious, but I like how it turned out with what I had.
Learning for the fun of it: Akiko Kunii
By Marni Newell
Between white Grecian statues and reprinted art pieces, Akiko Kunii bustles in near the end of the alter-ego themed party for the 2009 graduating class of Kalamazoo College. She grabs a plate of hummus and vegetables in between posing for pictures with Vanna White, what looks like a female mob boss, and an 80’s prom queen, chatting with a man in a fedora by the table of food.
Later, the 80’s prom queen and mob boss admit they don’t know much about Kunii. Senior Julia Anderle De Sylor, the Vanna White of the party, knows her from a common extracurricular activity, the Business Guild, but says she still doesn’t know her well.
“I feel like I’d have to know her for years to really understand her,” Anderle De Sylor says. She contributes this to the culture difference: Kunii is from Japan. “Americans are more direct,” she says.
Kunii, a tall, slim, thirty-something Japanese woman is a familiar face on Kalamazoo College’s campus, noticed for her attendance at most campus-sponsored events. With a backpack perpetually slung over her shoulder and sporting sensible running shoes, Kunii finds time to attend meetings, lectures, and classes both as a student and a professor. As a teaching fellow for the Japanese department, Kunii teaches Japanese 203, a job she’s wanted since she was a teenager, and is enrolled in Anthropology, Teaching Foreign Language, and Mind Body.
When asked about spare time, Kunii draws a blank. “When do I have spare time?” she muses. “Sleeping?” She asks for a definition of ‘spare time’ and reconsiders. “You can see me in the library or office, any other place I’m just running.” She pauses, rethinking her interests. “Yeah, running.”
Through a program in Japan, Kunii was placed to teach at Kalamazoo College, a college she was excited to be a part of because of its prestige. Other members of the program were placed throughout the Midwest. Although life as an international student at Kalamazoo is hard enough—not to mention being a professor as well-- Kunii’s interests in learning outweigh the side affects: her full schedule. But, Kunni says it’s a “good busy…because I can see so many things and participate, but difficult because I have to choose.”
Because of the tight schedule, Kunii says she isn’t a member of many clubs—if you don’t count the Business Guild, Eyes for Sight, and dance lessons.
Anderle De Sylor, a fellow Business Guild member, sees her contributing a lot to the group when she is able to show up for meetings. “She sometimes has class conflicts,” Anderle De Sylor says. But this doesn’t stop her from trying. Even though she had a lab during the Guild’s international business conference, Anderle De Sylor says she “dashed in” as soon as she could.
Kunii knows about moving fast. During the winter, she broke her arm while jogging outside. “I hit the ground and it was terrible,” she says. After meeting many doctors at Bronson hospital and waiting longer than she’d like for an x-ray (“I’m always hungry so I didn’t like waiting to take x-ray” she says) Kunii was left with a broken arm, a card, and a bag of animal crackers from her Japanese class, her favorite. Kunii cites this as one of her favorite aspects of Kalamazoo College. “I’m so happy and lucky to have nice students” Kunii says.
The broken arm has slowed Kunii down, but not much. She may not be able to have her fifteen minute runs every day, but she can still dash from classes to meetings to events.
That’s another down side of being busy for Kunii, when you’re busy “You only say ‘Hi, how are you doing?’” without stopping for an actual conversation. What’s worse, when she would run, she would only be able to shout a salutation on her way by. “In Japan we,” Kunii pauses and bows and proceeds to say she feels “very rude” when she can’t bow.
That’s one of the first things Anderle De Sylor noted about Kunii. “Whenever she sees me she asks how I’m doing,” she says. But, more than that, she asks for specific updates in Anderle De Sylor’s life that she has spoken with her about. “Not many people do that,” she says. “You know—follow up.”
Manners are important to Kunii, who thinks the biggest difference between American and Japanese cultures is the lack of respect for elders, saying “In America, equality is more important than politeness.”
Kunii’s politeness is far-reaching, Senior Amel Omari met Kunii once at a women’s awareness group meeting. “I had to explain to her what ‘bitch’ meant,” Omari said, smiling. “Now she says ‘Hi’ when she sees me.”
One of Kunii’s obstacles in America has been to overcome the stereotype that because she’s not American, she can’t understand English. “People think because of the language we don’t understand. But I understand the concepts,” she says, drawing a fraction on a pad of paper. “You call this a fourth, right?” she asks and then points to the four. “In Japanese, we say the bottom number first.”
Although she already has received a bachelor’s degree and teaching certificate in Japan, taken classes at Northwestern University in Chicago, and teaches a class at Kalamazoo College Kunii identifies herself with the international students more than the professors. She describes having the moments when she realizes she’s Japanese. “I’m Akiko, but still I’m part of Asia, part of Japan,” she says.
Kunii’s visa runs out in June, when she’ll return to Tokyo to her family and her mom’s food, which is the first thing she’ll ask for when she’s home.
Learning for the fun of it: Akiko Kunii
By Marni Newell
Between white Grecian statues and reprinted art pieces, Akiko Kunii bustles in near the end of the alter-ego themed party for the 2009 graduating class of Kalamazoo College. She grabs a plate of hummus and vegetables in between posing for pictures with Vanna White, what looks like a female mob boss, and an 80’s prom queen, chatting with a man in a fedora by the table of food.
Later, the 80’s prom queen and mob boss admit they don’t know much about Kunii. Senior Julia Anderle De Sylor, the Vanna White of the party, knows her from a common extracurricular activity, the Business Guild, but says she still doesn’t know her well.
“I feel like I’d have to know her for years to really understand her,” Anderle De Sylor says. She contributes this to the culture difference: Kunii is from Japan. “Americans are more direct,” she says.
Kunii, a tall, slim, thirty-something Japanese woman is a familiar face on Kalamazoo College’s campus, noticed for her attendance at most campus-sponsored events. With a backpack perpetually slung over her shoulder and sporting sensible running shoes, Kunii finds time to attend meetings, lectures, and classes both as a student and a professor. As a teaching fellow for the Japanese department, Kunii teaches Japanese 203, a job she’s wanted since she was a teenager, and is enrolled in Anthropology, Teaching Foreign Language, and Mind Body.
When asked about spare time, Kunii draws a blank. “When do I have spare time?” she muses. “Sleeping?” She asks for a definition of ‘spare time’ and reconsiders. “You can see me in the library or office, any other place I’m just running.” She pauses, rethinking her interests. “Yeah, running.”
Through a program in Japan, Kunii was placed to teach at Kalamazoo College, a college she was excited to be a part of because of its prestige. Other members of the program were placed throughout the Midwest. Although life as an international student at Kalamazoo is hard enough—not to mention being a professor as well-- Kunii’s interests in learning outweigh the side affects: her full schedule. But, Kunni says it’s a “good busy…because I can see so many things and participate, but difficult because I have to choose.”
Because of the tight schedule, Kunii says she isn’t a member of many clubs—if you don’t count the Business Guild, Eyes for Sight, and dance lessons.
Anderle De Sylor, a fellow Business Guild member, sees her contributing a lot to the group when she is able to show up for meetings. “She sometimes has class conflicts,” Anderle De Sylor says. But this doesn’t stop her from trying. Even though she had a lab during the Guild’s international business conference, Anderle De Sylor says she “dashed in” as soon as she could.
Kunii knows about moving fast. During the winter, she broke her arm while jogging outside. “I hit the ground and it was terrible,” she says. After meeting many doctors at Bronson hospital and waiting longer than she’d like for an x-ray (“I’m always hungry so I didn’t like waiting to take x-ray” she says) Kunii was left with a broken arm, a card, and a bag of animal crackers from her Japanese class, her favorite. Kunii cites this as one of her favorite aspects of Kalamazoo College. “I’m so happy and lucky to have nice students” Kunii says.
The broken arm has slowed Kunii down, but not much. She may not be able to have her fifteen minute runs every day, but she can still dash from classes to meetings to events.
That’s another down side of being busy for Kunii, when you’re busy “You only say ‘Hi, how are you doing?’” without stopping for an actual conversation. What’s worse, when she would run, she would only be able to shout a salutation on her way by. “In Japan we,” Kunii pauses and bows and proceeds to say she feels “very rude” when she can’t bow.
That’s one of the first things Anderle De Sylor noted about Kunii. “Whenever she sees me she asks how I’m doing,” she says. But, more than that, she asks for specific updates in Anderle De Sylor’s life that she has spoken with her about. “Not many people do that,” she says. “You know—follow up.”
Manners are important to Kunii, who thinks the biggest difference between American and Japanese cultures is the lack of respect for elders, saying “In America, equality is more important than politeness.”
Kunii’s politeness is far-reaching, Senior Amel Omari met Kunii once at a women’s awareness group meeting. “I had to explain to her what ‘bitch’ meant,” Omari said, smiling. “Now she says ‘Hi’ when she sees me.”
One of Kunii’s obstacles in America has been to overcome the stereotype that because she’s not American, she can’t understand English. “People think because of the language we don’t understand. But I understand the concepts,” she says, drawing a fraction on a pad of paper. “You call this a fourth, right?” she asks and then points to the four. “In Japanese, we say the bottom number first.”
Although she already has received a bachelor’s degree and teaching certificate in Japan, taken classes at Northwestern University in Chicago, and teaches a class at Kalamazoo College Kunii identifies herself with the international students more than the professors. She describes having the moments when she realizes she’s Japanese. “I’m Akiko, but still I’m part of Asia, part of Japan,” she says.
Kunii’s visa runs out in June, when she’ll return to Tokyo to her family and her mom’s food, which is the first thing she’ll ask for when she’s home.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
The only thing better than an article about crazy anti-feminists is a short article about crazy anti-feminists
Here you go...
http://www.motherjones.com/media/2009/03/books-purpose-driven-wife
http://www.motherjones.com/media/2009/03/books-purpose-driven-wife
Monday, May 11, 2009
Because if they don't struggle, you don't have a story...
It's been hit or miss with Telling True Stories for me, but the Ethics chapter was endlessly interesting to me. I kept bouncing from love of narrative journalism to a deep hatred and embarrassment.
I guess I'll start at the beginning. I read a book on cognitive dissonance, and it was all about how memories are mostly wrong a lot of the time. The beginning of the chapter really speaks to that inconsistency, and I think that's really important. I know the book I read talked about a woman who wrote a memoir and then at the end of each chapter had talked over her memories versus her siblings' and her parents' and had conflicting stories from each person. This is so sad but so very important to not only writing, but to life in general.
Second, I feel like my interactions with my profile subject are bordering on unethical because she may not completely understand what I'm doing, and I think I'll show her some of what I have written so far just so she can get an idea and I won't feel so much like I'm misleading her.
Now, on to the crazy stuff. I almost couldn't read about all the stories about following people who are suffering or poor or both and not being able to help. Especially the story about the child trying to get to America and getting beaten and robbed and wandering into the city half-naked and bloodied. I guess I just can't understand that. It's important to have these stories and to tell them so things can get changed, but it takes a special person to be able to witness it without helping. Also, Bill Clinton sent a letter to one of those people, but are policies getting changed? Is there anything long-term happening with these stories, or are a few wealthier people sending aid to these specific cases and then the fad is over? I don't know. And if it's the latter, I don't see the difference between helping the kid as it's happening and waiting until you have a horrible true story to tell and letting other people help them. This gets into the whole point of narrative journalism and its affect on its readers.
I guess I'm a little sceptical because I feel the readers of these stories are probably more upper class and have the resources to send money or clothes to one person and then have their consciences clear. "What?" you're asking "How do you figure?" I don't know, but I don't see a lot of people from my small town reading anything but the Hillsdale Daily News--and they definitely don't have stories showing the hard life of the immigrant trying to make it to America. Thus, their negative opinions aren't changed. And, if these are the majority, then what long term differences are the stories making?
But, I'm wrong. It's much better to have these stories written and even have 5 people read them and tell their friends (I realize the actual readership is much higher than 5) than to have these stories remain absent and people go on thinking their limited thoughts about immigration and poverty.
I just can't get over the idea of watching people struggle just to tell their story.
In the end, I realize how important narrative journalism is to cultural understanding and to change. I think everyone should know I'm always sceptical at first, that's how I work things through. Often, if I start out liking something absolutely, it inevitably falls off its pedestal and I'm crushed with disappointment. So, this is better.
I guess I'll start at the beginning. I read a book on cognitive dissonance, and it was all about how memories are mostly wrong a lot of the time. The beginning of the chapter really speaks to that inconsistency, and I think that's really important. I know the book I read talked about a woman who wrote a memoir and then at the end of each chapter had talked over her memories versus her siblings' and her parents' and had conflicting stories from each person. This is so sad but so very important to not only writing, but to life in general.
Second, I feel like my interactions with my profile subject are bordering on unethical because she may not completely understand what I'm doing, and I think I'll show her some of what I have written so far just so she can get an idea and I won't feel so much like I'm misleading her.
Now, on to the crazy stuff. I almost couldn't read about all the stories about following people who are suffering or poor or both and not being able to help. Especially the story about the child trying to get to America and getting beaten and robbed and wandering into the city half-naked and bloodied. I guess I just can't understand that. It's important to have these stories and to tell them so things can get changed, but it takes a special person to be able to witness it without helping. Also, Bill Clinton sent a letter to one of those people, but are policies getting changed? Is there anything long-term happening with these stories, or are a few wealthier people sending aid to these specific cases and then the fad is over? I don't know. And if it's the latter, I don't see the difference between helping the kid as it's happening and waiting until you have a horrible true story to tell and letting other people help them. This gets into the whole point of narrative journalism and its affect on its readers.
I guess I'm a little sceptical because I feel the readers of these stories are probably more upper class and have the resources to send money or clothes to one person and then have their consciences clear. "What?" you're asking "How do you figure?" I don't know, but I don't see a lot of people from my small town reading anything but the Hillsdale Daily News--and they definitely don't have stories showing the hard life of the immigrant trying to make it to America. Thus, their negative opinions aren't changed. And, if these are the majority, then what long term differences are the stories making?
But, I'm wrong. It's much better to have these stories written and even have 5 people read them and tell their friends (I realize the actual readership is much higher than 5) than to have these stories remain absent and people go on thinking their limited thoughts about immigration and poverty.
I just can't get over the idea of watching people struggle just to tell their story.
In the end, I realize how important narrative journalism is to cultural understanding and to change. I think everyone should know I'm always sceptical at first, that's how I work things through. Often, if I start out liking something absolutely, it inevitably falls off its pedestal and I'm crushed with disappointment. So, this is better.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Responses.
I didn't do Akiko justice in my piece, but I wrote it as fast as I could and posted it, so my apologies for that. Here are my comments for you!
Mary,
This is an awesome piece. You put so much detail into the descriptions of Munchie that it’s hard not to know exactly where in the store you’re referring to. The anecdotes about Munchie are so amusing, I could read pages of that stuff. There’s one image, though, that I’m not sure I understand: the part where Paul is just trying to get Will to smile, I don’t really understand what he’s doing. It sounds like he’s doing the universal “I want a hug” sign. There’s something missing from this and I’m not sure I can accurately pinpoint it. I don’t know if I wanted you to profile Paul or if I thought that you were trying to do too much with this piece and it turned out to be a survey of all of these anecdotes and jokes from Munchie without a strong focus. I guess I felt like, as I was reading the descriptions of Munchie in the beginning, that I was waiting for you to start telling the story. I don’t know if a brief history of Munchie would remedy this, or if that would be totally boring. Either way, your piece dances circles around mine and was so entertaining.
Colin,
Same as Mary, this piece is smooth like butter. You really took me through the train station and set up the scene beautifully. Plus, you have a few really great lines in here, after the horrific death of the college student, “It was the two men who went into the bathroom, saw Heisinger, saw the blood and walked back out and across the street for coffee that put the sticker on the mirror.” That is just golden. I guess I have the same question as I had for Mary, though, and I’m not sure of the focus of the piece. You have the train station and you have the murder, and to me they seem a little separate. I don’t know if you were focusing on the station post-video cameras, thus post security. So, if now it’s safer than it was in 2000, or if you were focusing on the train station and that’s one of the anecdotes you wanted to tell. You could have easily gotten into the history of the station as well, but that would have been boring and I like the story you’re telling.
Camilo,
First of all, I love Linda. She’s one of the sweetest people I’ve ever met at K, I’m so glad you profiled her. Second, you have some fantastic images and details in this, I particularly like her morning routine that’s kind of set to what cup of coffee she’s on. There’s a few parts that are confusing, I think you could introduce Jim as Linda’s high school sweetheart, because as it is, it doesn’t become clear until the second paragraph. I really like how there’s this underlying theme of death in her profile, and you did a great job of following that all the way through. I think you introduce Jim’s death too soon, because after that you back up to when he was still alive and where they lived for his job. I don’t understand the quote, “After Jim’s death my goal was to raise a happy healthy young man who wants to leave his mom, and I think I’ve done it for good.” I also don’t really think the quote that she “wasn’t having success just getting pregnant” says what you want it to say. As it is, it sounds like she was trying to get pregnant and couldn’t, but you want to say she didn’t feel fulfilled by being a mom. Overall, you picked an amazingly interesting woman, this is a cool profile.
Emily,
This piece just seems like it’s already published. You have such beautiful language, especially when describing the scene and the characters. Your writing makes me believe you from the beginning. I feel like there are two themes with this story, though, and you could pick one and make it deeper. There’s the theme of this group of artists that is dispersing and this woman who started it in this awkward position of having no one really taking the group mentality seriously anymore, and then you have the theme of recycled art and the techniques of the artists. Did you ask Filtzpatrick what her plans are for next year? What the turnover rate is for artists, how this keeps Exquisite Corpse from reaching its full potential? These are kind of awkward questions, so I would understand if you didn’t ask them or don’t feel comfortable asking them. As it is, I feel like you’ve started telling me a story and I don’t really know the ending. What is she going to do next year and how does one become a member of the exquisite corpse? Also, when Howes is peeling cardstock off of the art piece and says he can’t believe she matted it as if she had to qualify what it is—I have no idea what he’s talking about: I have no idea what matting is and I have no idea who ‘she’ is. Overall, fantastic writing, Emily.
Maureen,
You have quite the character to work with here! Jane’s ideas of friendship are so foreign to me I want to hear more about it. I feel like what may have happened is you went to hang out with these girls and they didn’t really do anything. That’s fine, I think you can work with what you have, but you have to cut some of these scenes. I don’t see the significance of detailing Susan making sausage in the microwave, or the details of stir fry. You could say Susan went downstairs to make food and invited the others down and let that lead to your Crystal Ball scenes, but as I reader, I really don’t need to hear how things were cooked. Also, is there any way you can get Jane to talk more about herself and her views on social relations? I’d love more direct quotes from her. How close is she with her parents? Does she not have siblings? What was high school like for her? What else about American culture doesn’t she like? You have action with Jane watching the Crystal Ball attendees parade around the common area, but you need more content for this to be an amazing piece. Great job selecting Jane, though, she’s quite the individual.
Lindsey,
Your opening paragraph is fantastic, you really introduced The Strutt with grace. Overall, though, I’m not sure right now whether this piece is a narrative or a review of the food and atmosphere of The Strutt. You don’t really have much background or history, but you do a great job of describing what’s there now. What information did you get in the interview? You can talk more about the people who frequent the Strutt, or the bands they have every weekend, or the craft shows they host on the weekends, too. In fact, I think it would make this piece multidimensional if you discussed how the Strutt transforms itself to meet each of these obligations: music venue, craft show, chill coffee shop. That would completely follow your thesis in this, since you say the Strutt is more than just a simple coffee shop. Great descriptions of the food and atmosphere, but I want more! Tell me what Bain looks like, tell me what he’s doing when he’s talking to you, tell me what the college students next to you look like. Who’s winning at Monopoly?
Joseph,
This is a great piece. I love the images, specifically the sleeping, possibly dead, homeless man in the gutter. You do a great job of giving such strong details of Johnny’s appearance and his gestures and even his pauses, I can see so many of these scenes clearly. The only part I guess I don’t completely follow the opinion of the narrator is when you say Johnny isn’t an egotistical, cocky rocker, but a few paragraphs earlier I think he is. He’s not a professional rock star, but he’s already been through all of the typical rocker heathen lifestyle of excess? And he’s over it and thinks it’s dull? I don’t know what rubs me the wrong way about that paragraph, but he sounds like a bit of a jerk from that section. I guess because to be able to have gone through all of the excesses of a rock star and then gotten over it implies he’s done well enough and had enough money and resources to do that, and it just bugs me. Again, I can’t explain it, I should be happy he’s not an addict anymore, I guess. I love the scene with the kids and the balloons, though. I thought you said you talked to him on the phone and he wasn’t doing as well anymore? I want to hear more about that, and then you can switch the story arc into the highs and lows of the rock star lifestyle, I guess. Nice piece.
Mary,
This is an awesome piece. You put so much detail into the descriptions of Munchie that it’s hard not to know exactly where in the store you’re referring to. The anecdotes about Munchie are so amusing, I could read pages of that stuff. There’s one image, though, that I’m not sure I understand: the part where Paul is just trying to get Will to smile, I don’t really understand what he’s doing. It sounds like he’s doing the universal “I want a hug” sign. There’s something missing from this and I’m not sure I can accurately pinpoint it. I don’t know if I wanted you to profile Paul or if I thought that you were trying to do too much with this piece and it turned out to be a survey of all of these anecdotes and jokes from Munchie without a strong focus. I guess I felt like, as I was reading the descriptions of Munchie in the beginning, that I was waiting for you to start telling the story. I don’t know if a brief history of Munchie would remedy this, or if that would be totally boring. Either way, your piece dances circles around mine and was so entertaining.
Colin,
Same as Mary, this piece is smooth like butter. You really took me through the train station and set up the scene beautifully. Plus, you have a few really great lines in here, after the horrific death of the college student, “It was the two men who went into the bathroom, saw Heisinger, saw the blood and walked back out and across the street for coffee that put the sticker on the mirror.” That is just golden. I guess I have the same question as I had for Mary, though, and I’m not sure of the focus of the piece. You have the train station and you have the murder, and to me they seem a little separate. I don’t know if you were focusing on the station post-video cameras, thus post security. So, if now it’s safer than it was in 2000, or if you were focusing on the train station and that’s one of the anecdotes you wanted to tell. You could have easily gotten into the history of the station as well, but that would have been boring and I like the story you’re telling.
Camilo,
First of all, I love Linda. She’s one of the sweetest people I’ve ever met at K, I’m so glad you profiled her. Second, you have some fantastic images and details in this, I particularly like her morning routine that’s kind of set to what cup of coffee she’s on. There’s a few parts that are confusing, I think you could introduce Jim as Linda’s high school sweetheart, because as it is, it doesn’t become clear until the second paragraph. I really like how there’s this underlying theme of death in her profile, and you did a great job of following that all the way through. I think you introduce Jim’s death too soon, because after that you back up to when he was still alive and where they lived for his job. I don’t understand the quote, “After Jim’s death my goal was to raise a happy healthy young man who wants to leave his mom, and I think I’ve done it for good.” I also don’t really think the quote that she “wasn’t having success just getting pregnant” says what you want it to say. As it is, it sounds like she was trying to get pregnant and couldn’t, but you want to say she didn’t feel fulfilled by being a mom. Overall, you picked an amazingly interesting woman, this is a cool profile.
Emily,
This piece just seems like it’s already published. You have such beautiful language, especially when describing the scene and the characters. Your writing makes me believe you from the beginning. I feel like there are two themes with this story, though, and you could pick one and make it deeper. There’s the theme of this group of artists that is dispersing and this woman who started it in this awkward position of having no one really taking the group mentality seriously anymore, and then you have the theme of recycled art and the techniques of the artists. Did you ask Filtzpatrick what her plans are for next year? What the turnover rate is for artists, how this keeps Exquisite Corpse from reaching its full potential? These are kind of awkward questions, so I would understand if you didn’t ask them or don’t feel comfortable asking them. As it is, I feel like you’ve started telling me a story and I don’t really know the ending. What is she going to do next year and how does one become a member of the exquisite corpse? Also, when Howes is peeling cardstock off of the art piece and says he can’t believe she matted it as if she had to qualify what it is—I have no idea what he’s talking about: I have no idea what matting is and I have no idea who ‘she’ is. Overall, fantastic writing, Emily.
Maureen,
You have quite the character to work with here! Jane’s ideas of friendship are so foreign to me I want to hear more about it. I feel like what may have happened is you went to hang out with these girls and they didn’t really do anything. That’s fine, I think you can work with what you have, but you have to cut some of these scenes. I don’t see the significance of detailing Susan making sausage in the microwave, or the details of stir fry. You could say Susan went downstairs to make food and invited the others down and let that lead to your Crystal Ball scenes, but as I reader, I really don’t need to hear how things were cooked. Also, is there any way you can get Jane to talk more about herself and her views on social relations? I’d love more direct quotes from her. How close is she with her parents? Does she not have siblings? What was high school like for her? What else about American culture doesn’t she like? You have action with Jane watching the Crystal Ball attendees parade around the common area, but you need more content for this to be an amazing piece. Great job selecting Jane, though, she’s quite the individual.
Lindsey,
Your opening paragraph is fantastic, you really introduced The Strutt with grace. Overall, though, I’m not sure right now whether this piece is a narrative or a review of the food and atmosphere of The Strutt. You don’t really have much background or history, but you do a great job of describing what’s there now. What information did you get in the interview? You can talk more about the people who frequent the Strutt, or the bands they have every weekend, or the craft shows they host on the weekends, too. In fact, I think it would make this piece multidimensional if you discussed how the Strutt transforms itself to meet each of these obligations: music venue, craft show, chill coffee shop. That would completely follow your thesis in this, since you say the Strutt is more than just a simple coffee shop. Great descriptions of the food and atmosphere, but I want more! Tell me what Bain looks like, tell me what he’s doing when he’s talking to you, tell me what the college students next to you look like. Who’s winning at Monopoly?
Joseph,
This is a great piece. I love the images, specifically the sleeping, possibly dead, homeless man in the gutter. You do a great job of giving such strong details of Johnny’s appearance and his gestures and even his pauses, I can see so many of these scenes clearly. The only part I guess I don’t completely follow the opinion of the narrator is when you say Johnny isn’t an egotistical, cocky rocker, but a few paragraphs earlier I think he is. He’s not a professional rock star, but he’s already been through all of the typical rocker heathen lifestyle of excess? And he’s over it and thinks it’s dull? I don’t know what rubs me the wrong way about that paragraph, but he sounds like a bit of a jerk from that section. I guess because to be able to have gone through all of the excesses of a rock star and then gotten over it implies he’s done well enough and had enough money and resources to do that, and it just bugs me. Again, I can’t explain it, I should be happy he’s not an addict anymore, I guess. I love the scene with the kids and the balloons, though. I thought you said you talked to him on the phone and he wasn’t doing as well anymore? I want to hear more about that, and then you can switch the story arc into the highs and lows of the rock star lifestyle, I guess. Nice piece.
Monday, May 4, 2009
50 minutes late, but still...50 minutes late.
Profile: Akiko Kunii
By Marni Newell
On a Monday evening, during the a reading of a new book of short stories by Kalamazoo College English professor Andy Mozina, Akiko Kunii enters the dark lecture hall and fumbles to find a seat in the back. She succeeds, but not without a few backward glances at her entrance.
“I came at the end because I was busy,” she explains. Busy only begins to describe it: Kunii is both a teaching fellow and a full time student at Kalamazoo College. She’s currently teaching Japanese 203 and taking Anthropology, Teaching Foreign Language, and Mind Body. She doesn’t belong to many campus groups, but is learning to dance for World Night. “I’m terrible, but I like it.”
As for free time, Kunii draws a blank. “When do I have spare time? Sleeping?” To understand better, she asks for a definition of ‘spare time’ and then reconsiders. “You can see me in the library or office, any other place I’m just running,” she pauses shortly. “Yeah, running.”
Kunii likes to get a ten to fifteen minute run in everyday, something she hasn’t done since she broke her arm running in the winter. “I hit the ground and it was terrible.” Her Japanese students were sympathetic and caring, though, sending her a “Get Well Soon” card written in Japanese and animal crackers. She appreciated the card, but liked it more because it was in Japanese, “I’m so happy and lucky to have nice students.”
Kunii knows Andy Mozina through a workshop they took together. “I keep asking him questions,” she says motioning to her right where he had sat in relation to her at the workshop. “And he would write it down to me the definition and the word and he read it to me.” To Kunii, that’s the most effective way for understanding English.
“People think international students don’t understand because we don’t know English. But I understand concepts.” Kunii reaches for my pen and slides the pad of paper near her to draw a fraction on the corner of the page. “You call this a fourth, right?” she points to the four with the pen. “In Japanese, we say the bottom number first.”
Kunii came to Kalamazoo College through a program offered in Japan that sends students all over the United States. She attended Northeastern College in Chicago before coming to Kalamazoo. Northeastern is “Very different. Much, much bigger.” When she has questions, Kunii attends office hours of professors, something more widely available at Kalamazoo than Northeastern.
When office hours aren’t available, Kunii uses the students at Kalamazoo. “I met her once at a women’s awareness group,” Senior Amel Omari says. “I had to explain to her what ‘bitch’ meant.” Omari smiles saying, “Now she says ‘Hi’ to me when she sees me.”
Manners are important to Kunii, who thinks one of the negative aspects of Kalamazoo College is how busy everyone is. “I can only say ‘Hi, how are you?’ when I see people when I’m running. In Japan, when we see people we—” she bends down to pantomime a bow. When Kunii is running and can’t bow she thinks she’s being rude.
Between preparing to teach classes and homework for classes she’s taking, Kunii tries to see the bright side of being busy. “[It’s a] good busy…because I can see so many things and participate. But it’s difficult because I have to choose.”
By Marni Newell
On a Monday evening, during the a reading of a new book of short stories by Kalamazoo College English professor Andy Mozina, Akiko Kunii enters the dark lecture hall and fumbles to find a seat in the back. She succeeds, but not without a few backward glances at her entrance.
“I came at the end because I was busy,” she explains. Busy only begins to describe it: Kunii is both a teaching fellow and a full time student at Kalamazoo College. She’s currently teaching Japanese 203 and taking Anthropology, Teaching Foreign Language, and Mind Body. She doesn’t belong to many campus groups, but is learning to dance for World Night. “I’m terrible, but I like it.”
As for free time, Kunii draws a blank. “When do I have spare time? Sleeping?” To understand better, she asks for a definition of ‘spare time’ and then reconsiders. “You can see me in the library or office, any other place I’m just running,” she pauses shortly. “Yeah, running.”
Kunii likes to get a ten to fifteen minute run in everyday, something she hasn’t done since she broke her arm running in the winter. “I hit the ground and it was terrible.” Her Japanese students were sympathetic and caring, though, sending her a “Get Well Soon” card written in Japanese and animal crackers. She appreciated the card, but liked it more because it was in Japanese, “I’m so happy and lucky to have nice students.”
Kunii knows Andy Mozina through a workshop they took together. “I keep asking him questions,” she says motioning to her right where he had sat in relation to her at the workshop. “And he would write it down to me the definition and the word and he read it to me.” To Kunii, that’s the most effective way for understanding English.
“People think international students don’t understand because we don’t know English. But I understand concepts.” Kunii reaches for my pen and slides the pad of paper near her to draw a fraction on the corner of the page. “You call this a fourth, right?” she points to the four with the pen. “In Japanese, we say the bottom number first.”
Kunii came to Kalamazoo College through a program offered in Japan that sends students all over the United States. She attended Northeastern College in Chicago before coming to Kalamazoo. Northeastern is “Very different. Much, much bigger.” When she has questions, Kunii attends office hours of professors, something more widely available at Kalamazoo than Northeastern.
When office hours aren’t available, Kunii uses the students at Kalamazoo. “I met her once at a women’s awareness group,” Senior Amel Omari says. “I had to explain to her what ‘bitch’ meant.” Omari smiles saying, “Now she says ‘Hi’ to me when she sees me.”
Manners are important to Kunii, who thinks one of the negative aspects of Kalamazoo College is how busy everyone is. “I can only say ‘Hi, how are you?’ when I see people when I’m running. In Japan, when we see people we—” she bends down to pantomime a bow. When Kunii is running and can’t bow she thinks she’s being rude.
Between preparing to teach classes and homework for classes she’s taking, Kunii tries to see the bright side of being busy. “[It’s a] good busy…because I can see so many things and participate. But it’s difficult because I have to choose.”
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
A dilly of a pickle...and that's healthy.
Ok, so I went to Club Grub today and I was being the "background lady" and trying to soak up as much as possible, and I realized at the end that I was totally misinterpreted by the club people, and now I'm a member, I guess.
So, I'm probably ruining my story. Ugh. I'll have to talk about it.
In funny news, Club Grub was going over healthy versus non-healthy foods and as they were shouting out things like "oranges!" and "kiwi" I heard the following:
Kid: "I'm going to go to McDonalds or Burger King after this."
Some habits you just can't break.
So, I'm probably ruining my story. Ugh. I'll have to talk about it.
In funny news, Club Grub was going over healthy versus non-healthy foods and as they were shouting out things like "oranges!" and "kiwi" I heard the following:
Kid: "I'm going to go to McDonalds or Burger King after this."
Some habits you just can't break.
My housemate keeps playing "Walking on broken glass"
I was just reading through some comments and I think Aaron does bring up a good point about what is more appealing in a story, "cute vs. tragic."
Like the old-timer I am, It reminds me of a story. One day I picked up my local newspaper to see a picture of kids playing in sprinklers on the front page.
"Really?" I asked, reading the equally flowery caption. "All that's going on and they put a picture some kids playing around in sprinklers above the fold?" I was being critical, edgy, like an angry Bruce Wayne peering down at the sinful Hillsdale County with all the rogue farmers and shifty Amish clomping around with their devil horses looking for trouble.
"Why not?" my dad asked, jolting me out of my self-involved fantasy. "What's wrong with focusing on something good and happy for a change? We're always seeing news about wars and death tolls."
I felt stupid, thought about getting defensive, but in the end let my silence speak for me. "Yeah, you're absolutely right," it echoed. The kids' bright swimsuits and expressive faces were making people smile and remember the simplicity of summer afternoons, why the hell was I complaining?
Not to get defensive now, but I guess because in my desire to write fiction, I learned that there has to be some conflict, some sort of deeper meaning that makes something worthy of reading. Or I thought I learned that. I wrote a story as a spacey teenager about the future me getting a job as a disc jockey in Florida and meeting amazing people and having this angsty sexual tension with my male housemate who I thought I hated for the first few months (there was a communication meltdown somewhere that led to us rooming together). But I never ended the story. I had tons of them. These happy what-if stories going on forever and ever. I guess when I write and read stories I like gritty real-life situations. They don't make me happy, but I like reading what I perceive as something closer to reality that sets it apart from the rainbow stories of my youth. Who knows.
I did love the Memory story, though, and I think that was mostly positive. It was turning this rest home life into something beautiful. They've lost so many people whom they loved, but have found avenues and new relationships that keep them going and give meaning to their lives. The story never overtly asks the question "Why am I still here?" but it was present throughout the piece. They live in a world mixed with past and present, the memories of their lost loved ones are as much present as characters as those still in the home. Rest homes are so fascinating. Also, on page 376, I laughed out loud several times at the line "The tiny Fleur, the woman who was always wanting to call her mother on the phone, asked the room in general, 'We havin' a party or somethin'?'" That's both cute and tragic, we've come full circle. I think Keely Houghton would think that was funny, too.
Telling True Stories
I'm really starting to appreciate the zoom in metaphor, because the more I think about it, the more the narrative story about the underground music scene I wrote last fall seems a little like a summary. I'm not sure, I'd have to read it over again.
I brought up the summary vs. dramatic narrative in one of my other English classes when talking about Mrs. Dalloway. I think that utilizes some dramatic narrative. I can dig it.
Like the old-timer I am, It reminds me of a story. One day I picked up my local newspaper to see a picture of kids playing in sprinklers on the front page.
"Really?" I asked, reading the equally flowery caption. "All that's going on and they put a picture some kids playing around in sprinklers above the fold?" I was being critical, edgy, like an angry Bruce Wayne peering down at the sinful Hillsdale County with all the rogue farmers and shifty Amish clomping around with their devil horses looking for trouble.
"Why not?" my dad asked, jolting me out of my self-involved fantasy. "What's wrong with focusing on something good and happy for a change? We're always seeing news about wars and death tolls."
I felt stupid, thought about getting defensive, but in the end let my silence speak for me. "Yeah, you're absolutely right," it echoed. The kids' bright swimsuits and expressive faces were making people smile and remember the simplicity of summer afternoons, why the hell was I complaining?
Not to get defensive now, but I guess because in my desire to write fiction, I learned that there has to be some conflict, some sort of deeper meaning that makes something worthy of reading. Or I thought I learned that. I wrote a story as a spacey teenager about the future me getting a job as a disc jockey in Florida and meeting amazing people and having this angsty sexual tension with my male housemate who I thought I hated for the first few months (there was a communication meltdown somewhere that led to us rooming together). But I never ended the story. I had tons of them. These happy what-if stories going on forever and ever. I guess when I write and read stories I like gritty real-life situations. They don't make me happy, but I like reading what I perceive as something closer to reality that sets it apart from the rainbow stories of my youth. Who knows.
I did love the Memory story, though, and I think that was mostly positive. It was turning this rest home life into something beautiful. They've lost so many people whom they loved, but have found avenues and new relationships that keep them going and give meaning to their lives. The story never overtly asks the question "Why am I still here?" but it was present throughout the piece. They live in a world mixed with past and present, the memories of their lost loved ones are as much present as characters as those still in the home. Rest homes are so fascinating. Also, on page 376, I laughed out loud several times at the line "The tiny Fleur, the woman who was always wanting to call her mother on the phone, asked the room in general, 'We havin' a party or somethin'?'" That's both cute and tragic, we've come full circle. I think Keely Houghton would think that was funny, too.
Telling True Stories
I'm really starting to appreciate the zoom in metaphor, because the more I think about it, the more the narrative story about the underground music scene I wrote last fall seems a little like a summary. I'm not sure, I'd have to read it over again.
I brought up the summary vs. dramatic narrative in one of my other English classes when talking about Mrs. Dalloway. I think that utilizes some dramatic narrative. I can dig it.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Outline attempt
Conflict: Marni bruises flower
Development: 1. Family loves Marni
2. Marni buys flower
3. Marni loses way
Resolution: Family loves flower
I guess.
Development: 1. Family loves Marni
2. Marni buys flower
3. Marni loses way
Resolution: Family loves flower
I guess.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
She did it on time (for once)
All of the readings we have for this Wednesday I think brought up some ethical questions. It started with the beginning of the Telling True Stories section, specifically page 31 "I laugh at their jokes, whether I think they're funny or not." This came after a string of do's and don't's Isabel Wikerson came up with, and I know what she's saying and I may even agree with her, but I can't get the image out of my mind of someone being fake to get more information so they can turn around and write a negative profile. Like, someone makes a sexist joke, the interviewer laughs and then in the piece the person is portrayed as a sexist, and the part where the interviewer laughed (thus egging them on) isn't included and I think that's absolutely dishonest. It seems Wikerson may be trying to say to go along with what people are saying without inserting your own personality or interests and make the interviewee as comfortable as possible, but this is where I think things get blurry. It could go either way.
I mean, this whole class is based on this idea of truth or pieces of truth from a single perception that I have always picked apart in other settings. You can only get a little subjective piece of a person with a profile and that's that.
On to the actual narrative pieces: The American Man at Age Ten.
Hmm. Other than making me extremely nostalgic and missing my brothers and episodes of G.I. Joe, I found myself asking, "Why was this written?" Reading it in 2009 is fun in some ways, but I think it's fun in the same way that watching Kindergarten Cop every few years is fun. You get a couple good laughs in at the video game technology, the fashion, the icons (Schwarzenegger) but you don't watch it to get a deeper meaning out of anything. Also, I think if I picked up an issue of Esquire in the early 90s and read this story, I would think it was either cute or pointless. I like that she wanted to interview an oridinary kid instead of a celebrity, but I think this piece proves why people would rather read about celebrities. There's an abundance of 10-year-old boys who think stealing things from girls they call Maggot is flirting.
Trina and Trina was different. It was gripping, tragic, and frustrating. It also had that element of culture from the mid-90s, but it also had a clear and crazy-dramatic conflict. This is going to be a really fun piece to talk about, because I think Leblanc overstepped her boundaries at points, and I wonder how writing this story affected her relationship with Trina. It was gritty and disgusting in some parts, but I think it was true. Although I just wanted Trina admitted somewhere the whole time, I realize between her rebellion and bureacracy it wasn't as easy as Lifetime makes it seem sometimes. This is a great example of a piece where the author is present throughout, and I'm not sure I really liked the author that much. She wasn't awful, but she wasn't a likable character I was drawn to. It made it even more real. Oh! I remember what this reminds me of (of what this reminds me?). I read a bunch of stories like this my first year in a Prisons and Public Policy class. This is exactly how it is, people try rehab, they try starting over, but they always end up back on the streets doing what they know best. It's frustrating and tragic, but it's how these societies work. It's hard to get back in the system when you've spent so long staying out of it.
I mean, this whole class is based on this idea of truth or pieces of truth from a single perception that I have always picked apart in other settings. You can only get a little subjective piece of a person with a profile and that's that.
On to the actual narrative pieces: The American Man at Age Ten.
Hmm. Other than making me extremely nostalgic and missing my brothers and episodes of G.I. Joe, I found myself asking, "Why was this written?" Reading it in 2009 is fun in some ways, but I think it's fun in the same way that watching Kindergarten Cop every few years is fun. You get a couple good laughs in at the video game technology, the fashion, the icons (Schwarzenegger) but you don't watch it to get a deeper meaning out of anything. Also, I think if I picked up an issue of Esquire in the early 90s and read this story, I would think it was either cute or pointless. I like that she wanted to interview an oridinary kid instead of a celebrity, but I think this piece proves why people would rather read about celebrities. There's an abundance of 10-year-old boys who think stealing things from girls they call Maggot is flirting.
Trina and Trina was different. It was gripping, tragic, and frustrating. It also had that element of culture from the mid-90s, but it also had a clear and crazy-dramatic conflict. This is going to be a really fun piece to talk about, because I think Leblanc overstepped her boundaries at points, and I wonder how writing this story affected her relationship with Trina. It was gritty and disgusting in some parts, but I think it was true. Although I just wanted Trina admitted somewhere the whole time, I realize between her rebellion and bureacracy it wasn't as easy as Lifetime makes it seem sometimes. This is a great example of a piece where the author is present throughout, and I'm not sure I really liked the author that much. She wasn't awful, but she wasn't a likable character I was drawn to. It made it even more real. Oh! I remember what this reminds me of (of what this reminds me?). I read a bunch of stories like this my first year in a Prisons and Public Policy class. This is exactly how it is, people try rehab, they try starting over, but they always end up back on the streets doing what they know best. It's frustrating and tragic, but it's how these societies work. It's hard to get back in the system when you've spent so long staying out of it.
Monday, April 20, 2009
My story idea, yo
I'm planning on interviewing a woman at a local old folk's home in Hillsdale County. I have yet to hear back if she is still in this home, but if she isn't, there are plenty of nice women I could profile, who have interesting stories. The conflict, if there isn't one already in their lives, is living at this home (which I can't remember the name of) because the place is more of a harshly lit factory than a happy place to stay for their last months/years. I think it's called Medical Care.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
People on the streets, da da dee doe dep
So I read the narrative pieces for today, and I was waiting for the part in the Rio story Joseph posted for the Robby Fisher conversation to come back into the story. Although I gave good 'ol Franklin a hard time in my last post, he was absolutely correct bringing up the shotgun image. Luckily, the very last sentence refrenced the Fisher conversation and all was well in the universe.
I liked the piece Jackie posted because it was both illuminating and humorous all at once. Gill was able to laugh at the fact that you could buy anything at the intersections and also show the huge disparity between the classes. I loved how it came back at the end when Mr. Bhogilal pulls out a plastic photo album that could be bought in the intersections, but it's filled with pictures of cars. Such a poignant juxtaposition.
From Jackie's article, I was intrigued by a link on the sidebar of a video of Christopher Hitchens getting waterboarded for a story. So I checked it out and it was disturbing how little he could stand it before he dropped the metal rod that meant it would all end. It lasted maybe 8 seconds. They were talking about fifteen on and off until they worked up to thirty, and I'm not sure if they meant seconds or minutes but either way, it's truly torture what the Guantanamo Bay prisoners endure. That flowed nicely into Elizabeth's article about Swift and his attempts to aid his client in Guantanamo Bay. It's a very long article.
I liked the piece Jackie posted because it was both illuminating and humorous all at once. Gill was able to laugh at the fact that you could buy anything at the intersections and also show the huge disparity between the classes. I loved how it came back at the end when Mr. Bhogilal pulls out a plastic photo album that could be bought in the intersections, but it's filled with pictures of cars. Such a poignant juxtaposition.
From Jackie's article, I was intrigued by a link on the sidebar of a video of Christopher Hitchens getting waterboarded for a story. So I checked it out and it was disturbing how little he could stand it before he dropped the metal rod that meant it would all end. It lasted maybe 8 seconds. They were talking about fifteen on and off until they worked up to thirty, and I'm not sure if they meant seconds or minutes but either way, it's truly torture what the Guantanamo Bay prisoners endure. That flowed nicely into Elizabeth's article about Swift and his attempts to aid his client in Guantanamo Bay. It's a very long article.
I knew a kid in grade school named Jon Franklin
There's no doubt that Franklin did something right, that he hit some chord that reverberated in editors' souls everywhere. Unfortunately, I didn't swoon at Franklin's prose--which made reading the 200-something page book a little painful. From the beginning, I was put off by what I read as Franklin's arrogance. Yes, he won two Pulitzer Prizes, and that's one heck of an achievement, but after 50 pages of "here's where most writers go wrong, and here's why I succeed" I started feeling a hierarchy set up that by nature I wanted to resist.
His narrative pieces are uncomfortably reminiscent of children's books. He overuses the ellipsis, for starters, and he does it in a way that makes me picture the narrator as either a melodramatic actor, or an excited child.
"One of his student teachers was a young lady named Geneva Crouch...and...and she was one of the prettiest women he had ever seen" (53).
"And yet...somehow...without it he would perish" (45).
"It had a romantic sound, rich with rhythm and vowels, and to hear the incomprehensible words filled hime with a restless, inarticulate lust to...to...to go" (42).
I appreciate, on the other hand, that this means he really thrusts himself into the job of storyteller and goes as far as using and overusing both punctuation and content to give a picture to his narrative. I don't want to review this book and say "Oh man, this guy is full of himself and has very little to show for it," because he knows more about writing than I can even imagine. But, after forcing myself to read most of this book, I've been longing to pick apart his narratives just because he seems so sure of himself as a fantastic writer and never seems to talk about how he can improve.
I understand the need for an outline and I gave his outline style serious thought and am trying to work it into my writing and see how it works. I also appreciate that he breaks down the process of writing and polishing and everything else.
In fact, I didn't realize why his writing bothered me so much until I read some of my classmates' posts, and someone said they liked how the whole book was a narrative explaining a narrative. That's it. It was long and drawn out and I felt like I was stuck on the phone with Uncle Joe after he's had a few beers. I just wanted the Strunk and White condensed version, so if I didn't understand I could flip back and read it three times until I did. I did not want, nor do I ever want a book like this during a full quarter, to waste my time with little images and digressions and play-by-plays of Donny Do-Wrong's way to write a story versus Sally Success'. And there I've gone and pulled a Franklin, my apologies.
Telling True Stories, on the other hand was as fabulous and easy-to-read as Marin promised. I like how it broke down the process of writing and choosing narrative subjects concisely, and then--best of all--I loved the very last section about the difference between a signature and a sample. I just got a hand-out in yoga that talks about a person's multiple layers and how identity can become confusing until you realize what part of your identity you're trying to convey. Physical versus professional versus personal versus biological etc. etc. etc. How relieving to hear that there's no way to give an accurate representation of someone in a profile, and instead focus on the situation and the society at that time instead. It's like Monet's water lilies, where he painted them at all different times of the day to give an accurate representation of them, and even then it's not complete.
His narrative pieces are uncomfortably reminiscent of children's books. He overuses the ellipsis, for starters, and he does it in a way that makes me picture the narrator as either a melodramatic actor, or an excited child.
"One of his student teachers was a young lady named Geneva Crouch...and...and she was one of the prettiest women he had ever seen" (53).
"And yet...somehow...without it he would perish" (45).
"It had a romantic sound, rich with rhythm and vowels, and to hear the incomprehensible words filled hime with a restless, inarticulate lust to...to...to go" (42).
I appreciate, on the other hand, that this means he really thrusts himself into the job of storyteller and goes as far as using and overusing both punctuation and content to give a picture to his narrative. I don't want to review this book and say "Oh man, this guy is full of himself and has very little to show for it," because he knows more about writing than I can even imagine. But, after forcing myself to read most of this book, I've been longing to pick apart his narratives just because he seems so sure of himself as a fantastic writer and never seems to talk about how he can improve.
I understand the need for an outline and I gave his outline style serious thought and am trying to work it into my writing and see how it works. I also appreciate that he breaks down the process of writing and polishing and everything else.
In fact, I didn't realize why his writing bothered me so much until I read some of my classmates' posts, and someone said they liked how the whole book was a narrative explaining a narrative. That's it. It was long and drawn out and I felt like I was stuck on the phone with Uncle Joe after he's had a few beers. I just wanted the Strunk and White condensed version, so if I didn't understand I could flip back and read it three times until I did. I did not want, nor do I ever want a book like this during a full quarter, to waste my time with little images and digressions and play-by-plays of Donny Do-Wrong's way to write a story versus Sally Success'. And there I've gone and pulled a Franklin, my apologies.
Telling True Stories, on the other hand was as fabulous and easy-to-read as Marin promised. I like how it broke down the process of writing and choosing narrative subjects concisely, and then--best of all--I loved the very last section about the difference between a signature and a sample. I just got a hand-out in yoga that talks about a person's multiple layers and how identity can become confusing until you realize what part of your identity you're trying to convey. Physical versus professional versus personal versus biological etc. etc. etc. How relieving to hear that there's no way to give an accurate representation of someone in a profile, and instead focus on the situation and the society at that time instead. It's like Monet's water lilies, where he painted them at all different times of the day to give an accurate representation of them, and even then it's not complete.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
I have to be in class in 20 minutes.
Joseph,
This is an interesting story, I’m glad you told it. You have some strong images that really keep me interested the entire time. The thesis-type statement you have in the beginning: “Initially I thought indulging in one of the advantages of metropolitan living—clubbing—would entrance me. Sadly not, after one horrid experience,” felt like it was either referring to a different event or too spoon-feedy. I want you to get right into the story without that big of a preface. In fact, you could start with the second paragraph and it wouldn’t confuse the readers at all, just stick “in New York” after “while I was studying journalism.” I like the pause to consider your ideals and whether the show fits in, but I’m a little confused about the decision of the outfit, do you want to make it more explicit that at that point you would either go or not go? For instance, if you said that picking your outfit gave you time to consider the reality of the situation instead of a fun idea and at that point you had to choose. You have a really strong image of the middle aged men snorting coke on the bar, but your inner dialogue seems out of place.
Camillo,
You have some awesome writing with this. I really like your wit with the piece and you set up some vivid images. There are some places where the language gets choppy and confusing, but for the most part this is a smooth read. You could consider taking out a few parts that seem to stray from the main point of the story—the details of your vacation for instance. You bring up a lost backpack and I really can’t decide whether I want to hear that whole story (well, actually I do) or if I’m totally OK without it. You captured the discomfort of being pulled over for no reason well, and I felt nervous while reading it that something worse was going to happen. I’m really glad something worse didn’t happen, but it speaks to the strength of your writing. Throughout the piece, you’ve relayed this story that seems so annoying and insulting for you, yet at the end you say you weren’t upset at the immigration officer, and I want to know why. I think I would have been upset, and I think from what you’ve written, I think you should be upset.
Colin,
This story made me laugh out loud several times. It’s hilarious and I’m glad I read it twice so I could pick up the funny stuff I had missed the first time. The story seems a little short, could you go deeper into some of these events to develop the characters more? I’m sure there’s some more material from the 12-hour bus ride. Right now you have a few snapshots of what the experience was like and I’d really like more of a story of it. There are a couple parts where I’m not sure if you’re making fun of yourself or your peers, like when you say you were caring less and lass that the people around you were either snarky dicks or douchebags. I guess that could go either way and maybe I don’t need to know. It ends a bit quickly, too, and since you summarize it more than give a picture of how you’d become friends, I don’t really understand how you got over your initial reactions. It sounds like you have some awesome stories from LandSea, I’d like to hear more of it.
Lindsey,
This is an interesting story. A new perspective of the prodigy child. What I want more of is your internal feeling. Right now you’re telling me how you felt and how angry you were—can you write about a specific memory that shows this? You’re covering a lot of ground here and if you singled out two memories—one that illustrated how you were treated unfairly, and then develop this last image more of breaking the violin, I think that would be concise and shorten this without losing meaning. Your images and superb and I love your wit with some of these lines. It’s so effective when you have the juxtaposition of your mom and the wicked witch of the west lines. Also, when you break the violin, you have awesome images there, too. I’m very confused about the ending. As it is now, I’m afraid you’ve killed your mother and that makes me uncomfortable. Again, if you wrote about a separate memory, maybe the first one where you had stayed out too late and then gave us a resolution to this last memory it would give a clearer picture. This made me want to hear you play violin, and you probably would hate to hear that. Lastly, I would love to travel around Europe during the summers, even if I had to play an instrument for a stuffy old judge. :) (I’m usually anti-emoticons, but that needs to be there so you know I’m picking on you instead of being an ass).
Emily,
What a great story to tell. I’ve heard you talk about how great your mom’s Matzo balls are, but this story illustrates it well. Have you ever talked to her about how she makes them and where your Matzo balls went wrong? Maybe you could include that. It seems like the underlying theme is this idea of fluid spirituality and how things can be so great and not exactly fit the mold. I wanted more of that. I want a scene where you’re interrogating her about the soup and she doesn’t know how she makes them so good. Or maybe where she gives you the recipe and you’re still confused. I mean, of course these things may not have happened, but it seems like you’ve just resigned to the fact that she’s inherently good at making the soup and it seems like you would want to perfect it just like she has. I love the scene at the end with your dad singing and Hannah throwing toys and Jason sitting there probably uncomfortably as you get the soup, you wrote that really well. This was really easy to read, thanks for writing it!
Mary,
This story is full of personality. You have such witty comments and entertaining points of view that made this piece a pleasure to read. I loved how you opened it. When I first read the part about the car going in the ditch I laughed but then tried to stop myself and hoped that no one got hurt. I’m so glad no one got hurt, because that is a funny story. You also have really strong lines in this. Like when your parents got divorced and Pronto replaced your dad’s number on speed dial, that one sentence encompasses so much, I love it. There are a few parts in this that I don’t understand and I think it’s because I’m not a New Yorker. Specifically, the part where you—oh wait, I think I get it now, looking at it for the fourth time. It was the part where you said there was no loyalty and I didn’t know you were talking about the cab service you used so frequently, and they’re probably telling you they’re only 2 minutes away but it still takes forever. Lastly, it’s so interesting to me that you see a car as independence and spontaneity in New York, which is relatively a very walkable city. Whereas I thought I was going to die a thousand boring deaths being in the middle of farms and fields without a car growing up. I guess it’s that teen angst that gets us all.
Maureen,
You do such a great job of describing how awkward middle school was and how hard it was to come into your own as a person. It’s good to know everybody has this moment. The last paragraph tries to cover too much too quickly and gets off topic. I feel that could be its own independent narrative piece. You haven’t run out of things to say about your friendship with Arnando. What happened? How long were you friends? Did you ever dress up again or did you mostly go back to your comfy clothes? Also, I think that by dressing up that one day, you got his attention and then you two became friends because of your personality, so in that way I disagree with what you say about your looks having nothing to do with a boy liking you. Though I’d like to agree. I love the voices and characters in this piece, specifically your Aunt Oneida, and I love that they ran to find you an entire outfit because of your curves. That part is really cute. You wrote this in a conversational way that I like and it was fun to read it both times.
This is an interesting story, I’m glad you told it. You have some strong images that really keep me interested the entire time. The thesis-type statement you have in the beginning: “Initially I thought indulging in one of the advantages of metropolitan living—clubbing—would entrance me. Sadly not, after one horrid experience,” felt like it was either referring to a different event or too spoon-feedy. I want you to get right into the story without that big of a preface. In fact, you could start with the second paragraph and it wouldn’t confuse the readers at all, just stick “in New York” after “while I was studying journalism.” I like the pause to consider your ideals and whether the show fits in, but I’m a little confused about the decision of the outfit, do you want to make it more explicit that at that point you would either go or not go? For instance, if you said that picking your outfit gave you time to consider the reality of the situation instead of a fun idea and at that point you had to choose. You have a really strong image of the middle aged men snorting coke on the bar, but your inner dialogue seems out of place.
Camillo,
You have some awesome writing with this. I really like your wit with the piece and you set up some vivid images. There are some places where the language gets choppy and confusing, but for the most part this is a smooth read. You could consider taking out a few parts that seem to stray from the main point of the story—the details of your vacation for instance. You bring up a lost backpack and I really can’t decide whether I want to hear that whole story (well, actually I do) or if I’m totally OK without it. You captured the discomfort of being pulled over for no reason well, and I felt nervous while reading it that something worse was going to happen. I’m really glad something worse didn’t happen, but it speaks to the strength of your writing. Throughout the piece, you’ve relayed this story that seems so annoying and insulting for you, yet at the end you say you weren’t upset at the immigration officer, and I want to know why. I think I would have been upset, and I think from what you’ve written, I think you should be upset.
Colin,
This story made me laugh out loud several times. It’s hilarious and I’m glad I read it twice so I could pick up the funny stuff I had missed the first time. The story seems a little short, could you go deeper into some of these events to develop the characters more? I’m sure there’s some more material from the 12-hour bus ride. Right now you have a few snapshots of what the experience was like and I’d really like more of a story of it. There are a couple parts where I’m not sure if you’re making fun of yourself or your peers, like when you say you were caring less and lass that the people around you were either snarky dicks or douchebags. I guess that could go either way and maybe I don’t need to know. It ends a bit quickly, too, and since you summarize it more than give a picture of how you’d become friends, I don’t really understand how you got over your initial reactions. It sounds like you have some awesome stories from LandSea, I’d like to hear more of it.
Lindsey,
This is an interesting story. A new perspective of the prodigy child. What I want more of is your internal feeling. Right now you’re telling me how you felt and how angry you were—can you write about a specific memory that shows this? You’re covering a lot of ground here and if you singled out two memories—one that illustrated how you were treated unfairly, and then develop this last image more of breaking the violin, I think that would be concise and shorten this without losing meaning. Your images and superb and I love your wit with some of these lines. It’s so effective when you have the juxtaposition of your mom and the wicked witch of the west lines. Also, when you break the violin, you have awesome images there, too. I’m very confused about the ending. As it is now, I’m afraid you’ve killed your mother and that makes me uncomfortable. Again, if you wrote about a separate memory, maybe the first one where you had stayed out too late and then gave us a resolution to this last memory it would give a clearer picture. This made me want to hear you play violin, and you probably would hate to hear that. Lastly, I would love to travel around Europe during the summers, even if I had to play an instrument for a stuffy old judge. :) (I’m usually anti-emoticons, but that needs to be there so you know I’m picking on you instead of being an ass).
Emily,
What a great story to tell. I’ve heard you talk about how great your mom’s Matzo balls are, but this story illustrates it well. Have you ever talked to her about how she makes them and where your Matzo balls went wrong? Maybe you could include that. It seems like the underlying theme is this idea of fluid spirituality and how things can be so great and not exactly fit the mold. I wanted more of that. I want a scene where you’re interrogating her about the soup and she doesn’t know how she makes them so good. Or maybe where she gives you the recipe and you’re still confused. I mean, of course these things may not have happened, but it seems like you’ve just resigned to the fact that she’s inherently good at making the soup and it seems like you would want to perfect it just like she has. I love the scene at the end with your dad singing and Hannah throwing toys and Jason sitting there probably uncomfortably as you get the soup, you wrote that really well. This was really easy to read, thanks for writing it!
Mary,
This story is full of personality. You have such witty comments and entertaining points of view that made this piece a pleasure to read. I loved how you opened it. When I first read the part about the car going in the ditch I laughed but then tried to stop myself and hoped that no one got hurt. I’m so glad no one got hurt, because that is a funny story. You also have really strong lines in this. Like when your parents got divorced and Pronto replaced your dad’s number on speed dial, that one sentence encompasses so much, I love it. There are a few parts in this that I don’t understand and I think it’s because I’m not a New Yorker. Specifically, the part where you—oh wait, I think I get it now, looking at it for the fourth time. It was the part where you said there was no loyalty and I didn’t know you were talking about the cab service you used so frequently, and they’re probably telling you they’re only 2 minutes away but it still takes forever. Lastly, it’s so interesting to me that you see a car as independence and spontaneity in New York, which is relatively a very walkable city. Whereas I thought I was going to die a thousand boring deaths being in the middle of farms and fields without a car growing up. I guess it’s that teen angst that gets us all.
Maureen,
You do such a great job of describing how awkward middle school was and how hard it was to come into your own as a person. It’s good to know everybody has this moment. The last paragraph tries to cover too much too quickly and gets off topic. I feel that could be its own independent narrative piece. You haven’t run out of things to say about your friendship with Arnando. What happened? How long were you friends? Did you ever dress up again or did you mostly go back to your comfy clothes? Also, I think that by dressing up that one day, you got his attention and then you two became friends because of your personality, so in that way I disagree with what you say about your looks having nothing to do with a boy liking you. Though I’d like to agree. I love the voices and characters in this piece, specifically your Aunt Oneida, and I love that they ran to find you an entire outfit because of your curves. That part is really cute. You wrote this in a conversational way that I like and it was fun to read it both times.
Monday, April 6, 2009
Orchid Narrative
Everyone thought the orchid was artificial. My friends questioned its authenticity after I climbed in the back of the red truck with the bright orange flower in tow. They rubbed the thick waxy petals between their fingers as they asked what type of orchid it was. I doubted myself more when the Thai blue taxi driver at the station raised her eyebrows as she asked if it was a real flower. More than once, I checked the dirt in the green plastic container at its base, fearful I had misunderstood the high price and the way the merchant had turned her back on me in what seemed to be irritation at a question I hadn’t asked at hearing the price.
Pang mag, deh suoy mag, she said. “Very expensive, but very beautiful.” I wondered if the beauty would only last until the color faded off the plastic petals.
I chose the only orchid in the greenhouse, taking its two buds as a sign. It would go to my second host family I’d stayed with in Thailand, a farming family in the small village of Mae Ta outside of Chiang Mai. A family who’d lost their only son in a car accident in the city where he had been studying. I stayed at their house for one week with a Thai student and they told us all they wanted was to have children in the house again. The two buds would represent their loogk saew sohng con, they’re two daughters who we had—in that short time--become.
I left as early the next morning after I’d bought the orchid as I could manage, carrying it by a hooked wire attached to it’s base. I wasn’t sure where I was going and I was going alone, so I took my vague directions from one of my professors and waited it out as red truck after red truck refused to take me to the blue truck station. The red trucks would tote people around within Chiang Mai and the blue trucks went outside of the city.
The first time I dropped the orchid was in the waiting area at the blue truck station to Lampang. Embarrassed by my clumsiness, I steadily propped it in a corner as I stood waiting to depart. The driver and I had just finished a confusing and inconclusive conversation in Thai and I nervously watched the truck, grabbing at my bags if he stepped near the driver’s side door, ready to jump in the back at any moment.
I dropped the orchid again inside the blue truck after I’d fumbled around trying to get comfortable on the wooden bench attached to the inside wall. The truck was full of boxes and buckets of dough to be taken to a Lampang market so I sat with my legs turned toward the end of the truck watching the traffic and passing scenery from the back door.
The orchid fell over a few more times after the blue truck had emptied and I searched nervously outside the small windows for anything that looked familiar. I didn’t pick them up right away as the driver opened the window connecting the front cab to the back seating area. He asked me where I was going and I tried to explain to him the directions I had gotten from my professor. He knew little English and I knew even less Thai, so in an act of desperation I called a Thai instructor and asked for help. I described where I was and then he wanted to speak to the driver and then to me again.
“You are in Lampang, Mahnee,” he told me. “You want to be in Lamphun!” He laughed. “You went to the wrong city!”
While holding in tears and trying to chuckle, I tried to tell him I had gotten bad directions from another professor. He laughed and wished me luck, asking him to call me when I got to the correct station.
I laid the orchid down for a while as the blue truck, empty except for me and the drivers, parked on the side of a busy road. My vision went in and out of blurs from tears as I realized I had no idea how to get back to Chiang Mai or to Mae Ta. I was in the hands of the drivers and although they tried to explain to me their intentions for sitting on the side of the road, I was using most of my concentration to keep myself from sobbing.
A large bus drove by and the driver flagged it down and waved me over to it simultaneously. He shouted in Thai to the bus driver and motioned that I get on the bus. The orchid was banged against passengers’ legs as I climbed into and empty seat near the front. I wish I had tipped the driver extra for taking care of me.
At the next station, I wandered around with my Thai professor on my big blue clunky cell phone transitioning between describing where I was and handing the phone off to locals who could help me along. I climbed on the back of a motorbike clutching my orchid as we zipped through allies and to another station. On the last truck that my instructor promised would take me to Mae Ta, I had time to look at my once-beautiful flower more closely.
It was significantly bruised, broken in a few places, but it still remained mostly bright orange and I tried polishing it to improve it’s color before the truck finally lurched to a stop in front of a cooperative I’d worked at in Mae Ta.
I climbed out of the truck and waited outside as they phoned my host mom. They had heard I went to Lampang instead of Lamphun and they all laughed at me and then gave me banana chips.
My host mom drove up on her motor bike, laughing because I’d gotten lost but also because she was relieved. Embarrassed, I gave her the bruised flower and tried to explain how beautiful it had been. When we finally understood each other and I explained the buds were for her two daughters, she looked at it and contemplated. Suoy mag, she said and she hung it up in her kitchen. Very beautiful.
Pang mag, deh suoy mag, she said. “Very expensive, but very beautiful.” I wondered if the beauty would only last until the color faded off the plastic petals.
I chose the only orchid in the greenhouse, taking its two buds as a sign. It would go to my second host family I’d stayed with in Thailand, a farming family in the small village of Mae Ta outside of Chiang Mai. A family who’d lost their only son in a car accident in the city where he had been studying. I stayed at their house for one week with a Thai student and they told us all they wanted was to have children in the house again. The two buds would represent their loogk saew sohng con, they’re two daughters who we had—in that short time--become.
I left as early the next morning after I’d bought the orchid as I could manage, carrying it by a hooked wire attached to it’s base. I wasn’t sure where I was going and I was going alone, so I took my vague directions from one of my professors and waited it out as red truck after red truck refused to take me to the blue truck station. The red trucks would tote people around within Chiang Mai and the blue trucks went outside of the city.
The first time I dropped the orchid was in the waiting area at the blue truck station to Lampang. Embarrassed by my clumsiness, I steadily propped it in a corner as I stood waiting to depart. The driver and I had just finished a confusing and inconclusive conversation in Thai and I nervously watched the truck, grabbing at my bags if he stepped near the driver’s side door, ready to jump in the back at any moment.
I dropped the orchid again inside the blue truck after I’d fumbled around trying to get comfortable on the wooden bench attached to the inside wall. The truck was full of boxes and buckets of dough to be taken to a Lampang market so I sat with my legs turned toward the end of the truck watching the traffic and passing scenery from the back door.
The orchid fell over a few more times after the blue truck had emptied and I searched nervously outside the small windows for anything that looked familiar. I didn’t pick them up right away as the driver opened the window connecting the front cab to the back seating area. He asked me where I was going and I tried to explain to him the directions I had gotten from my professor. He knew little English and I knew even less Thai, so in an act of desperation I called a Thai instructor and asked for help. I described where I was and then he wanted to speak to the driver and then to me again.
“You are in Lampang, Mahnee,” he told me. “You want to be in Lamphun!” He laughed. “You went to the wrong city!”
While holding in tears and trying to chuckle, I tried to tell him I had gotten bad directions from another professor. He laughed and wished me luck, asking him to call me when I got to the correct station.
I laid the orchid down for a while as the blue truck, empty except for me and the drivers, parked on the side of a busy road. My vision went in and out of blurs from tears as I realized I had no idea how to get back to Chiang Mai or to Mae Ta. I was in the hands of the drivers and although they tried to explain to me their intentions for sitting on the side of the road, I was using most of my concentration to keep myself from sobbing.
A large bus drove by and the driver flagged it down and waved me over to it simultaneously. He shouted in Thai to the bus driver and motioned that I get on the bus. The orchid was banged against passengers’ legs as I climbed into and empty seat near the front. I wish I had tipped the driver extra for taking care of me.
At the next station, I wandered around with my Thai professor on my big blue clunky cell phone transitioning between describing where I was and handing the phone off to locals who could help me along. I climbed on the back of a motorbike clutching my orchid as we zipped through allies and to another station. On the last truck that my instructor promised would take me to Mae Ta, I had time to look at my once-beautiful flower more closely.
It was significantly bruised, broken in a few places, but it still remained mostly bright orange and I tried polishing it to improve it’s color before the truck finally lurched to a stop in front of a cooperative I’d worked at in Mae Ta.
I climbed out of the truck and waited outside as they phoned my host mom. They had heard I went to Lampang instead of Lamphun and they all laughed at me and then gave me banana chips.
My host mom drove up on her motor bike, laughing because I’d gotten lost but also because she was relieved. Embarrassed, I gave her the bruised flower and tried to explain how beautiful it had been. When we finally understood each other and I explained the buds were for her two daughters, she looked at it and contemplated. Suoy mag, she said and she hung it up in her kitchen. Very beautiful.
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