Some of my favorite work

So, I was going through my advanced fiction notebook from last year and found some gems, I thought.
Here's my favorite. We were supposed to come up with some odd physical description of someone to pass out and write a story about. My friend, Keely, meant to write "inverted penis" but wrote "introverted penis" and I happened to get that card.
I chose to write about a man with an introverted penis.

I call him Jack. I don't usually talk about him much. He's--it's a he, naturally--he's about average in most ways, I guess. But when he decides he likes someone, he's all in, you know? I think some women can appreciate that, it kind of encompasses ultimate fidelity, right? Yeah, we've been over this.
Of course it gets hard sometimes--difficult, I mean--because Jack doesn't really take to strangers. So, like this girl, Stacy, I met last Saturday, he didn't really want anything to do with her. Of course I did. She was hot. But Jack gets shy and uncomfortable. We were pretty hot and heavy, but when she wanted to see Jack, I had to take a breather. Went into the bathroom for a little pep talk, just me and Jack, tried to make him comfortable.
"Jack, buddy," I said. "This'll only last like five minutes, tops." I made sure Stacy didn't hear that part. But he wouldn't budge. Sometimes it works, sometimes not.
Some women totally don't get it. They fly off the handle, call me gay. I think they think it's their fault, like they're not hot enough. Like Cindy, she didn't get it. With Cindy, we were together for six months, but Jack just couldn't get comfortable around her. I don't know why. She finally gave up and left me. I was upset with Jack for a while, but I can't really stay mad at him, you know? I see him like five times a day. You know, at least.
So, sometimes I just stay home. I can tell now when Jack feels like going out and when he doesn't. We watch old movies, order in. We like that AMC channel. good stuff. Last night we stayed in watching a Bogart flick. It was classy, It's always relaxed, you know? Jack and me having a beer.