Conflict: Marni bruises flower
Development: 1. Family loves Marni
2. Marni buys flower
3. Marni loses way
Resolution: Family loves flower
I guess.
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2009
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April
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- A dilly of a pickle...and that's healthy.
- My housemate keeps playing "Walking on broken glass"
- Outline attempt
- She did it on time (for once)
- My story idea, yo
- People on the streets, da da dee doe dep
- I knew a kid in grade school named Jon Franklin
- I have to be in class in 20 minutes.
- Orchid Narrative
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April
(9)
It looks like you are still struggling to find a story in your orchid story.
ReplyDeleteWhen I read your first draft, I made these notes. I never posted them because Marin hadn't warned all of you that I'd be lurking around the blogs. Perhaps some of my questions will help. Maybe you'll like my drawing.
So this orchid you've got, it goes through a lot in the course of your piece. First, its integrity is called into question. It is called a fake, phoney, artificial. Even you doubt whether it is real or just a cruel trick played. But it is still beautiful.
Then this little guy is dropped, a few times, bounced up and down on trucks, lead astry by its keeper (you), banged and bruised as it is squeezed onto a crowded bus, and maybe a salty tear or two (yours) got it all wet. But it is still beautiful.
And then the orchid gets home. Sure, it's not as perfect as it once was. It has been dropped, lost and tossed around. But it has a story now. And it is still beautiful.
You've created a great vehicle to tell a story here. The problem is, I don't know what story you are trying to tell. What is the orchid? Is it study abroad? Is it Thailand? Is it you?
It is a nice story, the way it is now, but it is closed off. That usually happens with "full circle" stories. Your piece starts with this beautiful orchid and ends with a beautiful orchid. If someone doesn't like orchids and could care less about Thailand (imagine that!), then there isn't much here for them to grab onto. It is missing a human/universal element. Conflict, that's it. It is missing a conflict. The story is full of conflict but it is missing a conflict.
I think I just stopped making sense, so I drew you this picture. I hope it helps.
http://i217.photobucket.com/albums/cc237/aaronaup/orchid.jpg